iSpeed Date – Review

Hello, my good people of Earth! Having a good time? Me too.

Since I’m in a somewhat visitor streak, I’ve decided to make another review! This time the episode will be…

iSpeed Date!

That’s right, it’s iSpeed Date review time.

Now a few of you guys will most likely go like, “Say what?” or “What the…?” or even “Bloody hell!”

To those I say only this: read the review. I’ll explain later why I’m reviewing this episode.

Review, go!

Ridgeway is one of the safest schools ever. You know why? Because the girls who attend the girls choice dance must submit their medical records to the school nurse. That’s why. I don’t know why that is, though.

Carly has an eye set on a guy. She’s asking him to go with her to the girls choice dance with her. And you see a little thing coming out of Carly’s lip and into Nate’s eye. Is it a kiss? Possib… *shocked* Nope…, it’s a teeny-tiny ball of saliva.

But anyway, Carly got rejected. She was beaten to the punch by none other than the famous, beautiful, incredible… Rebecca Berkowitz. Right now, I’m at a loss for words. But Carly doesn’t get mad, she’s not a sore loser. And Nate could barely keep his eye open.

Sam’s at her locker and she saw the hole thing, but apparently didn’t hear it. Come on, Sam, it’s not that far from your locker to where they were chatting, you must have heard everything. *Bad cop mode* Every. Sordid. Detail.

Carly doesn’t want to go out with any other boy in school. And as if on cue (“as if…”) Freddie appears. And Sam wouldn’t be herself if she didn’t seize the opportunity to insult Freddie. But look, Freddie’s prepared for that! He’s drawing his secret weapon, a bag of bacon? What is this, a police movie? You’re bribing Sam?
But apparently it worked. Carly now tells Freddie that she spit in Nate’s eye and now is dateless.
Now Carly redirects the conversation to Sam. I’m so glad she did. Because that will allow me to use the latest weapon in my arsenal of things I can use… The Seddie Alert Button! *presses the Seddie Alert Button*
*a purple light fills the room* You see, I programmed the Seddie alert button to… Oh, you don’t care.
Anyway, listen Sam’s reply and look at her eyes and left thumb. Her eyes turn to Freddie when she says “he should ask me”. And now Freddie’s pondering look. I coined that term, because it’s like he’s looking at a different timeline in which he did ask Sam to the Dance. And he likes what he sees…

“There are no guys at this school that don’t make me sick. This is good bacon.” I don’t really know how to comment this.
*presses Seddie alert button*

“Any desperate girls asked you out yet?” Really, Sam? Be on the lookout, Karma. What goes around, comes around…

Freddie’s reply is actually intriguing. He says 2 girls asked him out, Jamie and Ariana. I was drinking a coke when I heard this and I literally choked. Ariana? As in Ariana Grande, the actress who portrays “Cat” on Victorious? Now I think I’m overspeculating…

And now here’s a reply from Carly which got another fail-flirt from Freddie (try saying that 3 times, come on, I dare you.)

We are introduced to Meleka, or Melika… I don’t know how to spell it. She’s a magician. I like magic… “Do you believe in magic?” For those who don’t know, that was an American Pie reference.

A blank piece of paper! Meleka announced it like it was something epic.

After Meleka says “feel inside your pocket”, Freddie’s face is one of terror. The seconds slow down as he places a hand inside his pocket. Time seems to freeze as he does not know what is contained within the folds of his coat. All of that, for a piece of paper.
Hold it! A paper that contains an invitation. Girls that asked Freddie: 3

I must be honest, that disappearing-Meleka-appearing-Gibby trick is incredible!

I know whose banana that is!! I know!! I don’t know the character’s name, but I know what the character does. It’s that lady that is Ted’s assistant.

|          Setting: The Shay’s living room         |

Spencer is building another of his trademark sculptures. This one looks pretty good!
And the beauty of it resides in the fact that Spencer does not know what the sculpture is!! To quote him, the sculpture is either going to be “a bunny or an abstract representation of the overmechanization of modern society”. No matter how many reviews I write, how many references I make, I don’t know how to respond to this. But look! He bends to his sister’s will! Well, not really, but you know what I meant.

As any loving parent, or in this case, legal guardian would do, Spencer asks Carly how was school. And now, we learn 2 things. That in the Schneiderverse, Twitter exists and that iCarly has a profile in it. And that Spencer follows iCarly.

Aw, Carly, it’s not the entire world… it’s just about 105 million people… That’s hardly the entire world…

Time for “Exercising with Spencer”! The exercise for today is: Squat thrusts. Please give it your all for the… oh, the exercise’s over.

180 times a day? What if that thing wakes you up in the middle of the night? I think 30 1-minute workouts would be better, but that’s just my opinion.
And when Carly brings an actually good idea to the proverbial table, Spencer dismisses it.
Go to the gym 180 times a day? Stoopid!

Sam’s here! Get your revenge, Carly! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO…

Carly, one little pointer. Twitter was created for people to post info on their own personal spits. That’s a fact. Or not.

The point here is that a girl can be desperate and not sound it.

The “crotchety” joke is WAY more funny in the original version than in the Portuguese version.

|                                 Transition to: The iCarly studio                                |

We are given the chance to watch the premiere of another Pathetic Play. Also, I’d like to point out that these Pathetic Plays have EXTREMELY subtle titles. Take this for example: The Englishman Who Was A Terrible Father To His Two Children Named Fuffley And Peeta. As you can see, this is a cryptic title. You can’t guess anything from this title. Because it’s already there! *hears crickets* Phoebe, did you turn on the cricket sounds? *Phoebe says no* Okay, moving on…

The Englishman is knitting himself a pair of trousers. And his children are ever so hungry. They haven’t eaten since Tuesday. I’m sorry, Myonday. I think Myonday is after Freeday, isn’t it?

But the kids can get into the father’s icy cold heart… And he feeds them… pushpins.

The father’s reason for pushpins is that they’re colorful and pointy. But here I find a flaw on the father’s logic. Not all colorful and pointy things are good.

If my father asked me to floss his toes, I’d move out immediately. Unless he couldn’t do it himself.

Fuffley’s “I think I might vomit!” is incredible.

Now is the part where Sam puts her diabolical evil mastermindish plot of doom into action…

A lesson for my readers: when your blond friend makes you sit in a chair that that handcuffs on it, and covers your mouth with ducttape WHILE fimling your webshow, it means she’s up to no good. By now, it should be too late to fight back, so your only option is to fight pointlessly and hope that whatever she does isn’t that bad… which it will probably be.

|                          Timeskip to: The Shay’s kitchen                          |

Now Carly’s mad at Sam for what she did on the show. The only way a diabolical evil mastermindish plot of doom can be beaten is with a, get ready for this…
a more diabolical evil mastermindish plot of doom!
You weren’t expecting this, were you?
But no, Carly only slapped her hand.

If someone created a group of Splashface named “I like stating the obvious”, Spencer would join.

The phone’s more important than the grocery items. He almost drops them on top of his sister!

Sam’s line here is filled with awesomeness, with whipcream on top. She warns Carly that she’s dropping stuff, but doesn’t pick it up!

A good agreement between best friends. Gibby is included in the agreement. And this is where Samantha Puckett’s week started going wrong…

Spencer’s phone rang again. While Freddie walks down the stairs.

Freddie got hit! And Sam applauds.

|                 Transition to: Ridgeway High School                        |

Freddie’s bummed…

Sam goes on to slap him for absolutely no reason other than to bother him and amuse her.

“I’m not in the mood, Puckett!” Mood for whaaaaaaat? *turns head sideways as if implying something*

So that’s why he’s bummed.

And Gibby’s chuckling… Why is that?

Freddie is forcing Sam to uphold his part of the bargain. “Hurry along…”

Gibby is deniying an invitation from Sam Puckett. He’s dead.

First, Sam is forced to ask Gibby to the dance, and he says no. Then, Freddie laughs at her. Not helping, Freddie.

“How many guys you think are gonna show up?”

|                    Timeskip to: The Groovy Smoothie                       |

752 guys. Does that answer your question, Sam?

A little continuity error I noticed: Right after this timeskip, Sam is standing beside Freddie on the Groovy Smoothie, but when the episode resumes, she’s in the middle of the crowd, as if she just got there.

## Commercial Break ##

I wish I could be in that “giant sea of boy”. At least I’d meet the cast.

Speed dating?

“6 of my mom’s best relationships started in 15 seconds.” That’s not creepy at all…

++ Math Time with Rob! ++

15 seconds a guy, right? That’s 4 guys in one minute. Which means 40 muys in 10 minutes. By that logic, they were there for about 3 hours, 8 minutes and 25 seconds. Yes, Austin is counted twice. And I left 10 seconds for a surprise guest.
Calculations are presented below:

1 guy –> 15 seconds
4 guys –> 60 seconds
40 guys –> 600 seconds (10 minutes)
240 guys –> 3600 seconds (1 hour)
480 guys –> 7200 seconds (2 hours)
720 guys –> 10800 seconds (3 hours)

4 guys –> 60 seconds
32 guys –> 480 seconds (8 minutes)

That is, taking into account that all the “participants” stayed until the end of their 15 seconds of fame.

++ And that was Math Time with Rob! ++

|          Timeskip to: The speed date place, in the Groovy Smoothie        |

I have nothing against speed dating, but if Carly talks all through the 15 seconds, it’s not that much of a date.

Clark only wants to make out with Carly. NEXT!!

Kevin’s even worse. Nothing against fishing lures, my cat’s bedtime is way later than that, and I won’t comment on the odd odor thing. And we see Freddie using sarcasm. NEXT!!

Sam keeps interrupting the guy who’s trying to be interviewed. And he’s boring her. NEXT!!

T-Bo’s marketing skills and sense of opportunity aren’t that great…

Back to Freddie. He’s interviewing a male model. Well, he WAS a male model, but he quit, ’cause now he’s the lead singer of this really cool band of whom I never heard of. I think it’s every girl’s dream. NEXT!!

Spencer’s interviewing an artist when his phone rang. The exercise was hip swiveling. The kid is now mentally scarred.

On Carly’s table, we see her and a guy happily talking. He’s Austin. He loves to interrupt other people when they are talking by saying random stuff. His personal best is 18 people. He’s currently training for the 2012 Olymp… *someone says “The other day, I was drinking a soda and it had bubbles!”* CUT IT OUT, AUSTIN!
So, she ends up choosing Mr. I-Like-Interrupting-You-For-No-Adequately-Explored-Reason to go to the dance.

|             Transition to: Bushwell Plaza           |

Whoa, Carlay! Wow!

Spencer’s failed attempt at starting “the talk” never fails to make me laugh. And on the Portuguese dub, it seems kinda forced the way Spencer says “Thank you so much!”.

Whoa, a GX250!!! What’s that?

Your brother has a Dycon Supershot? I have one of those! But I think mine’s counterfeited. It has “Cyber-shot” and “Sony” written all over it.

“You crazy kids.”

And Spencer’s phone rings again! This time, sit-ups!

“And done.”

|                     Transition to: A house                     |

We see a house. But who lives there?

Whoa, what is Sam doing here in… *looks at mailbox* the Gibson’s house?

Gibby? Gibby’s last name is Gibson? His full name is Gibby Gibson? What has the world turned to…

This is the kind of lines that makes me laugh everytime I hear it. “I used a leave-in conditioner. They have that now.”

Only Sam could make a guy do something against his will even after a clear “Nah, I’m good”.

Oh, Gibby’s not afraid of you, Sam. He’s just busy… with stuff.

Finally, they meet. The girl who wants to take Gibby to the dance, and the girl Gibby’s having a date with.

“Who’s she?” Tasha’s clearly jealous.

“Who’s you?” Sam’s just surprised

Is it me, or does Gibby look like a miniature Hugh Hefner? For those of you who don’t know who Hugh Hefner is, he’s the creator of a multi-million dollar franchise called simply Playboy.

“Nothing, nothing at all!”

So THAT’S why he didn’t go to the dance.

And now Sam has lost a bit of her self-esteem…

|           Timeskip to: The Groovy Smoothie           |

This is the dance’s afterparty.

And here we go again… Austin’s back at it…

Meleka’s magic tricks, while cool, they violate one of the Magician’s Code of Conduct: A magic trick may never hurt a human being, either physically, mentally, emotionally or with a shoe.

This is getting annoying… I saw bears too.

I agree with you, Freddie.

The most useful thing Austin has said all night. The introduction of Celebrities Underwater. I think I saw something on Dan’s Fun Facts about a real show named Celebrities Underwater premiering on Fox…

Carly’s devious side is brought up.

I love that song…

Dan’s mind is a twisted maze of awesomeness. No offense intended, Dan. Please take note that Freddie doesn’t say a word until the singer of the song on the radio has stopped singing that verse. It’s as if he wanted us to hear the music and associate it with the events that took place that night…

T-Bo’s evil smirk… he knows what’s coming… Do you? (by the way, this is foreshadowing to another event.)

And this is the part where about 98% of all Seddieshippers take a knife and try to kill me with it.
Before you do so, please hear me out. In the beginning of the show, Freddie would be so super excited just to pick up a bottle of water Carly dropped unintentionally. He was grinning then at the mere sight of Carly. Now, he actually gets to hold her in his arms *feels weapons getting ready* Wait, wait, wait, wait!! And look at his face! A half-smile! His mind’s not even there in that moment. He’s clearly not enjoying it as much as little Freddie from Season 1 would. Now, before you sink your knives into my flesh, think about it.

And now, it gets better.

*presses the Seddie Alert Button* Sam arrives at the Groovy Smoothie and sees them dance. But she can’t see Freddie’s face! She can’t evaluate how he’s feeling! Therefore, she assumes he’s enjoying the dance with Carly, and leaves the Groovy Smoothie. Some fans say she was crying. We know now she doesn’t hate iCarly’s resident nub.
And just like it happened before… the song fits the imagery in an intense, profound way… another example of how Hollywood magic mimics real life. *presses the Seddie Alert Button*

My 2 dollars (I wanted to be different): This episode explored a bit more into the 2 relationships between the main characters. Starting from Sam’s bacon speech, to the Carly and Freddie dance, to Sam’s unadvertized realization. This is a red-letter episode for all shipping fans. Besides, this is the episode that got me hooked on iCarly. So, Mr. DanWarp, you deserve one of these. *clapping sounds*.

A quick reminder: I’m still running a contest on this page. You can still sign up.

So, until we meet again, have a Seddietastic Seddietember and have your daily Seddie Fix!

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Posted on September 17, 2010, in EN, iCarly reviews, Season 3 and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. hola yo de nuevo acabo de ver la revision de iSpedd Date la unica parte que me gusto fue cuando sam se fue.cuando lo vi por primera vez no vi no lo podia creer y despues lo vi en youtube acerque el zoom para verlo mas cerca y vi que sam estaba llorando jamas la vi a sam llorar asi se ve que realmente le gusta productor (saben que lo que quiero decir)
    y a al otro dia estaba durminedo y soñe algo era el fin de icarly y la pareja de seddie por fin se confesaron y no recuerdo la conversacion que conversancion que tuve en mi sueño pero fue algo que podria suseder en la serie y algo que ni se imaguina.

    Buena revison de este espisodio nos vemos la proxima
    fino alla prossima (hasta la proxima)

    no te dije que tambien hablo italiano tambien mira te voy a mostrar como yo hablo italiano:

    Ciao il mio nome è mica’m da Argentina parlo tre lingue inglese, spagnolo e italiano e mi piace vedere icarly e amo la seddie coppia e il mio carattere mi piace sam (Hola me llamo mica soy de argentina hablo 3 idiomas ingles español y italiano y me gusta ver icarly y me encanta la pareja de seddie y mi personaje de me gusta sam

    ya me voy see ya

  2. great review Rob! :)

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