Monthly Archives: February 2012

iToe Fatcakes Review

The Year 2040

Kids, in Spring 2010 and thanks to your uncle, I saw your mother for the first time. Of course, I didn’t know at the time that she was going to be your mother.

Since then, I became addicted to the show she was in. It was a little show called iCarly. In the show, your mother played a young girl who was an internet sensation and had a love-hate relationship with your uncle Nathan’s character. I first noticed her when, in the show, she entered the Groovy Smoothie, which is sort of a bar, and your uncle Nathan was dancing with aunt Miranda, on-character, of course. Your mother looked sad and about to cry, and my brother, your uncle, said the 3 words that changed my perspective on the show. “She likes him.”

Ever since then, I went online and tried to find the episodes of the show she was on…

“Come on!! Come ON!!!”

I found them, but I also found something else… your mother was a musician and she had this song that left me speechless…

“They’re playing guitar with stars in their eyes on Broadway…”

Her song motivated me to want to come to California. I already wanted to come here, but not for that reason… but more on that later…

Eventually, I created a blog where I would comment on the episodes of the show. It grew in popularity… People liked it. Liked my comments. So I did more. And more. And people literally begged for more.

This is one of those reviews I made.

Welcome to the iToe FatCakes review. If you have not yet seen the episode, you’re most likely wondering about the weird title of this episode. If you have seen it, it makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?

I was thinking I could add a few more lines in this, but I don’t know what kind of lines I might add… so I’ll just start with the review.

»Scene 1 – iCarly webcast live«

A flying Gibby? That’s not safe! Gibbies are not meant to fly!! A Gibby’s natural habitat is in the water!

See? He wants to go to the water, even though there is none.

And while Sam and Carly drag this Gibby to a nearby pond or body of water, Freddie talks to the camera.

Kids, you see that blond girl? That’s your mother…

“And that’s it for iCarly!“ “That’s not it.” Huh? It’s not? What else could there be?

Sam has been clean for 10 whole days!! It’s a 10-day-niversary! I hate myself so much right now…

They invited the Mayor of Seattle! Who refused their invitation… So they invited the fake Mayor, Mayor Mustachio. And this one accepted.

He has a sash? It’s SO official!

Kids, I should tell you, the sash actually had “sash” written on it.

Sam goes 10 days as a good girl and gets a box of raisins… a bag of dog…

Stuff, he said stuff.

… and it’s still warm… and a movie directed by David Schwimmer. Also still warm.

Kids, I should explain. David Schwimmer was an actor who had a few troubles after making some stuff that was not well received by the public.

And a little treat from Carly. This is the thing Sam would kill to have. Probably…

Sam has obtained a ticket that is good for a VIP ticket to the Canadian Fat Cake Factory. They’re illegal in the States. And they’re better than the American Fat Cakes.

Kids, take her word for it. If you don’t, then take mine. I have tasted the Canadian Fat Cakes and I must say: they are unlike anything you might have tried. It tastes like an angel stole that recipe from God himself…

There is one thing. Spencer, we don’t need to know about your mayoral pants… or where they are tight…

»Title Credits«

»Scene 2 – Shay’s apartment«

Gibby is…

Kids, let me explain that. Gibby was a character from the TV show your mother was on. He had been a recurring character with the recurring joke of taking off his shirt. As he grew older, he stopped taking off his shirt. Back to the story.

… bringing a big suitcase with lots of stuff, because he’s going to Canada, which he thinks is not a country. It’s known as “America Junior.” And according to Barney Stinson, their money is a “joke” (to be read with a soft ‘j’)

And Carly has a date with a guy named Lance. Who has a car… By the way, having a car does not necessarily mean he can drive… But the real reason why Carly wants to date Lance is because she’s having withdrawal symptoms…

Boring…

»Shays’ bathroom«

Carly’s taking a nice long bath… with lots of foam… but no water whatsoever.

Kids, it was said I paid a lot of attention to the details on this show… you’ll find out why in a second.

She’s also watching TV! First “America’s Most Wanted” (I get the feeling this will be used in another episode), then “Twinjas” on the Dingo Channel…

Again, I need to explain this, kids. The Dingo Channel was a fictional TV channel that blatantly and shamelessly copied ideas from iCarly. They got socked. Hard. And by “socked”, I actually mean, “socked.” Sam beat the living fudge out of them with a butter sock.

…and Drake and Josh on Nick… Don’t need to explain the joke here, do I?

Yes, I do. Drake and Josh was a predecessor of sorts for iCarly. It was one of The President’s TV series. After she completed Drake and Josh, His Excellency The President Daniel Schneider asked her to star on his new show, iCarly.

She’s also watching “The [REDACTED] Van [REDACTED] Show”, starring [REDACTED] Van [REDACTED]. Again, do I need to explain the joke?

Kids, this time I won’t explain the joke. Google it. Since Google took over the world, searching is much easier with the new Google search app for your brains…

Anyway, Carly saw that lady insert her toe in the faucet and decided to do the same thing. Big mistake. Big laughs…

And see you naked? I know a couple of people who would pay to see that…

Kids, I wasn’t mistaken, but that came out so wrong…

»Scene 2 – Somewhere over the border«

Samantha Puckett has entered Heaven… or at least her vision of Heaven… the Canadian Fatcake Factory…

She looks like she has been hypnotized by all the Fatcakes…

Oh, the Fatcake event… we’ll get to that…

Another of Freddie’s Spanish rants… “Estados Unidos de Gibby…”

An angry Canadian? That’s a defiance of all logic! Canadian people are polite, say “please” and “thank you” and if you hit them by accident, THEY will apologize… I’m right, eh?

“Magicaller?”

Gibby, you should not have done that…

She needs to focus to eat the fatcake.

She even cries… But those are tears of deliciousness…

Meanwhile, Carly’s toe is still stuck in the faucet…

She is trying to pick up her phone through the room… by throwing stuff at her phone so that it would fall on the chair…

Remember when I said that there was no water on Carly’s bath? Here’s the evidence…

See? Dry as a… a… a dry thing… I should start using Milhouse on these too…

Kids, you know Milhouse, so I’ll move on.

She catches her phone, but the phone decides to go for a swim.

“There’s no app for that…”

»Scene 3: Border checkpoint«

Sam just wants to go home… but they have to be examinated by the border guards.

“I know you have a crush on me.”
“What?”
“Nothing…” Spencer, subtle.

Gibby wants to know if Idaho could be its own country… It could, but would probably cause another Civil War. And war is bad…

Wise words, kids. War is bad. WW3 began when the FBI decided to shutdown Megaupload…

Canadian fatcakes? Gibby smuggled one?

Sam is smuggling fatcakes? Oh, she’s bad…

»Commercial break«

Okay, how did Sam manage to carry so many fatcakes? Seriously, that’s like, a lot!

According to the moustached cop, that’s at least 25 kilos. Google tells me it’s 55.1155655 pounds.

Gibby’s giving a dog some juice.

“Dogs really like you.”
“Yeah, dogs and girls with low self-esteem…”

Spencer’s an attorney? He was there for 3 days!

“I DEMAND that Miss Puckett be released on the grounds that… Section C…“

She’s being released…

Sam, don’t do that…

As they pass over the meddling border agent, he meddles with them, and only recognizes Gibby from iCarly, though Sam and Freddie and even Spencer are there…

“You know, I also write a blog about card tricks.” I guess that blog has less hits than… than… Milhouse’s blog! See? See what I did there?

The first president of the USA was, if I’m not mistaken, Abraham Simpson, I mean Lincoln.

Gibby actually thought it was Abraham Franklin…

»Carly’s bathroom«

Carly’s still stuck in the faucet.

And Mrs. Benson is ironing Freddie’s underwear… She hears Carly’s screams and goes to see what’s wrong…

Carly’s wrinkled like an elderly raisin…

“This day cannot get worse…” It just got… worse…

“You bathe in your sweatshirt too?” Mrs. Benson, there’s something very wrong with you.

“Am I hurting you?” No, she’s screaming because she feels like it…

Lance arrives. And Mrs. Benson jumps in to defend Carly… Not that long ago, she was beating her with Freddie’s underwear…

Way to disguise it, Carly…

»At the border…«

“I’d be in serious trouble if she had a parent who cared…” Pam should care about her daughter even if just a bit more…

Sam and Gibby hatched a plan? Awesome.

Gibby doesn’t like fame…

An Asian family took the bag Sam was in! Oh, this is bad…

Spencer, Freddie and Gibby are going back to the States, while Sam goes to God-knows-where…

»Back at the bathroom«

Carly and Lance are on an unusual date. They’re eating Chinese food while Carly is in the bath…

“Your sister’s 18 and she doesn’t have a driver’s license?” What’s wrong with that? I only got my license when I was 21.

And they kiss…

“Just yell if I hit bone!”

And Sam is in Malaysia? How’s she gonna get home? HOW??

All in all, it was a funny episode…

And that pretty much concludes this review…

Have a nice weekend, and keep watching the skies…

The evidence of alien life was brought to light 3 days after I posted this. It was all over the news, all over the world… And yes, I know it’s not related in the slightest, but I really wanted to say that.

Your mother eventually read these, and she laughed her butt off. I knew she was going to be my wife when she laughed…

And now, I’m sleepy. Maybe another day, I’ll tell you the story of how I met your mother…

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