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iGoodbye Review
RobSp1derp1g, blogger, inventor, deep-thinker. Searching for a way to tap into the hidden strenght that all humans have. Then, an accidental overdose of Internet memes alters his body chemistry. And now, whenever RobSp1derp1g grows angry or outraged, a startling metamorphosis occurs.
“Ow! I’m angry for no reason whatsoever!”
The creature is driven by rage and pursued by an investigative reporter.
“Mr. Griffin, don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”
The creature is wanted for a murder he didn’t commit. RobSp1derp1g is believed to be dead. And he must let the world think that he is dead, until he can find a way to control the raging spirit that dwells within him.
And so we come to this, the last iCarly: iGoodbye.
I will admit, these words are hard to write. Not because iCarly is ending (well, a little because iCarly is ending), but because I have MASSIVE writer’s block. But enough with the sad stuff. If we’re gonna go out, we might as well go out in a blaze of glory!
Shall we get this started?
»Scene 1 – Ridgeway High«
So far, nothing points that this is the last iCarly episode. How could it, it just started…
Carly is by her locker when Sam approaches with a piece of wood with a bunch of nails. It can be used for a multitude of things, though the main use is the scratching of backs, while tearing clothes apart. And Carly’s not Sam’s first visit, as Freddie will now demonstrate.
Freddie’s “phone” is ringing. That’s no phone, that’s a chocolate bar! You thought I was gonna say space station, didn’t you? All joking aside, my brother has a smaller version of that phone.
That phone has a dual-quad-core processor? Can you run… let me think of a game… Oh, Assassin’s Creed 3 on it?
So, it’s a Samsun Gemini MaxPad. The name makes it sound like a high-tech version of women’s hygiene product…
Gibby is right to laugh…
Apparently, Col. Steven Shay can’t take his daughter to a militar-endorsed dance.
“Big phone…”
By now, you should have somehow realized that there are references aplenty to iCarly’s first episode, iPilot.
»Opening Credits«
The last iCarly’s opening credits. These ones have been especially tuned to show you how the kids have grown, how far they’ve come.
»Scene 2 – Bushwell Plaza – Shays’ Apartment«
Spencer is fixing a motorcycle. A particular detail about this motorcycle is that it was not designed to be ridden while playing children’s card games!
Does Mama know her bikes?
Of course, it had to be for Socko’s cousin, Ryder. I wonder if we’ll ever see Socko…
Audrey? Spencer’s girlfriend of the episode?
Gibby’s line here does not surprise me at all. But I do wonder why he has a lamp on his hand…
Only Gibby would see an exercise machine in a motorcycle.
Lucky Spencer! He got himself a date with one of his exes. But he didn’t run over this one.
“Audrey, the most important girlfriend I’ve ever had. The only girl I’ve ever… really been in love with.” Cue Gibby’s ‘aw’.
Spencer’s meeting Audrey at the airport. In times like these, it is wise to remember the words of famous TV psychologists such as, Dr. Lance Sweets and Dr. Kevin Venkataraghavan. In a nutshell, they said that when you are reunited with someone from your past after a long period of time, you will inevitably start acting as you did when you were around that person. This theory has been proven LOTS OF TIMES.
“Hey, where’s the teenage girl that actually lives here?” Keen perception, Spencer! I don’t know.
Gib, Sam was talking! Come on!
I don’t know what to say to Gibby’s response…
Gibby wants a new head. I think a new head won’t solve his problem…
Jewish action figures?
For some reason, I think that Sam’s interest in the bike is unnatural…
»Meanwhile, at the Groovy Smoothie«
Carly is busy looking at her pear-shaped phone with a sad look on her face.
T-Bo’s a good listener…
»Scene 3 – Back at Bushwell Plaza«
Sam and Spencer is helping Spencer with the bike.
And Spencer is telling Sam how he met their mother. Sorry, how he met Audrey.
Icky girl named Velma who smelled like cheese.
“I’d love to date a guy who smelled like cheese…” Excuse me for a moment, guys. Phoebe, I want you to order 30 cans of cheese spray. I want them yesterday.
Lewbert, it’s been too long!
Spencer’s been exposed!! Kill the germ! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!
What? It’s the wrong choke knob?
Don’t give up, Spencer. “Show me that Spencer smile.”
… I don’t know what to say…
Hey, look! Carly has arrived!
“Dadless?” Col. Shay isn’t dead, he’s just busy…
Ah… So that’s why she’s upset…
“Look who’s getting all elderly?” I have the PERFECT image for this line, hang on.
And so, Spencer takes the proverbial bullet for his younger sister, by ditching on his old girlfriend… Now that’s love… or a screenplay, one or the other…
Spencer’s taking Carly to the Father-Daughter Dance… we haven’t seen the last of this…
Come on, Lewbert, that’s just mean…
»Commercial Break«
»Scene 4 – Shays’ apartment«
The references to the show itself keep popping up, now it’s the song from iGet Pranky, “The Joke Is On You”.
Carly left home in her PJs. I’ve heard legends, myths, if you will, of things worse than that…
Spencer’s sick. I’m not saying it was Lewbert, but it was Lewbert.
And to fight the fever, a prolonged stay at a place called FreezingRefrigeratorheim. It feels better than you’d think, though it is highly discouraged by most doctors.
Tuna casserole for breakfast? I’ve definitely seen worse…
»Scene 5 – Green Meadow Mall«
For some reason, I love the name.
Dan Schneider, a master of subtlety, decided to stop trying. Just look at the names of the stores… Get-a-head, Just In Case… I was expecting something, more thought-provoking…
Freddie’s brick is immediately recognized by the shopkeep (yeah, I said shopkeep) of Get-a-head.
“She must hate you.”
They sell Penny-Ts at Green Meadow Mall… It’s supposed to be near Chicago… I’m sorry, Seattle. I’ve no idea why I wrote Chicago.
Gibby wants a replica of his head. In the Mission Impossible series, this would be done by taking pictures of the head of the Gibby and create a replica out of a material which name I cannot recall at this time. Basically, at Get-A-Head, they do the same thing, but they require the Gibby to lie perfectly still for 2 hours…
“Cabeza duplicada.”
And here is one of iCarly’s greatest mysteries: Freddie’s Spanish ramblings… And as soon as he starts to explain, is interrupted by the shopkeep at Get-A-Head.
Why would anyone bring a weasel to their workplace?
“Dude, go easy on the weasy…” I think now’s the perfect time to add a Ron Weasley joke. Can’t think of any…
Gibby’s an animal lover. *rolls eyes* That came out wrong…
Good luck finding a case for your brick, Freddie.
»Scene 6 – Shays’ Apartment«
Spencer is on the couch, sick with Lewbert germs.
Everyone knows that the cure to the flu is to lift your shirt up.
Sam got herself a Tub o’Chicken.
Meekalito is calling Spencer. Don’t know who Meekalito is? He’s Dan in a costume.
BTW, Spencer doesn’t understand the concept of bargaining or negotiation… He’d be an amazing hostage negotiator… You can tell by the look on your face that I’m joking…
»Scene 7 – Just in Case, the kiosk«
That’s not a phone case…
The only case that fits the brick is a man-purse. (Attention, the link is NOT SAFE FOR WORK! Okay, it contains the word “F***in’, as in ‘kidding me’”)
“Don’t you think it looks kinda feminine?” No!! What kind of idea is that, Freddie? Indiana Jones wore one! (But yeah, it does look kinda feminine…)
It is perfect for the MaxPad (which still sounds like a women’s hygiene product), but not for Freddie. I mean, what will the fangirls think?
»Scene 7 – Meekalito’s Motorcycle Repair and Rock Shop«
When I first saw the episode, I didn’t recognize Dan as Meekalito… But then again, he had to make a cameo… It’s tradition…
A choke knob for a ’64 Sterling, coming right up!
“These are my rocks…”
Schneider’s lubricants? So that’s why Spencer sets everything on fire!
Now, Sam knows how to negotiate.
And so, she leaves Meekalito talking to his rocks…
»Scene 8 – Get-A-Head«
The head of the Gibby has been fully scanned and now they can begin the replication proper.
There’s Freddie with his new manpurse.
Lookie, lookie, it’s Mrs. Benson and Mrs. Lillien!
Manpurses… also worn by women…
»Meanwhile, at Bushwell Plaza…«
Spencer’s ready for the dance, but he’s still sick. And his temperature is 103…
I’m hot blooded, check it and see.
I got a fever of a hundred and three.
Come on baby, do you do more than dance?
I’m hot blooded, hot blooded.
Sorry guys, it had to be here.
And Spencer comes crashing down… but still dancing… now, that’s hot blooded!
»Commercial Break«
»Scene 9 – Bushwell Plaza«
Carly and Sam are sitting on the couch eating comfort food.
I don’t know what to say at this segment…
»Meanwhile, at Get-A-Head«
Freddie’s manpurse is ringing. And it’s Sam.
Look, if you please at the following image:
There’s Freddie on the left, and Sam on the right. Nothing weird, right?
Look at Freddie, please. Sam just told him she has to talk to him about something important, and Freddie asked her if she wanted to get back together. Direct your attention to his eyebrow. Also, I don’t think this is the last we’ve seen of Seddie… And here’s the funny part: the manpurse, it has one job. Making sure his brick is stolen.
Freddie to the rescue!!
Also, there are people who never saw a Gibby with his head trapped in a glass container.
And the Gibby runs around…
»Scene 10 – the Apartment«
Spencer is feeling better.
Sam fixed the bike?
So much work for nothing?? I demand satisfaction! *glove slap*
And that’s how Sam got her motorcycle. Hopefully, she won’t play any card games on it… That would be stupid.
»Scene 11 – Get-A-Head«
Gibby got a head and a weasel, for free!!
»Scene 12 – The Apartment«
Carly’s, in the words of Mrs. Eriksen, abusing herself. She’s looking at the wallpaper of the Father-Daughter Dance.
Sam took her bike for a test drive… Is she even allowed to drive? Is she old enough? Sam, not Jennette.
There’s a ring on the door…
And I wish I saw Sam’s face on this situation…
“Nice…”
And he STILL carries the manpurse…
“Miss Shay…”
“May we escort you to the dance?”
But she breaks into tears…
Seriously, what did they do?
Here’s the big, huge, GINORMOUS reveal of the episode: Here comes Tom Hanks, as foretold by the internet collective consciousness known as Twitter.
Who thinks @TomHanks should play Carly's dad on iCarly? If you agree, please let Mr. @TomHanks know!
—
Dan Schneider (@DanWarp) May 31, 2012
A few things wrong with this image:
- This isn’t Tom Hanks.
- When someone inserts the key in the keyhole, you would hear. Unless you leave the door open, and who’d leave the door open?
- Did I mention that man in not Tom Hanks?
If you would allow me, I will post two snippets of Dan’s Fun Facts of this episode.
During the first season of iCarly, I had the basic idea for the very last episode.
I knew I wanted Carly and Spencer’s dad, Colonel Shay, to return, for a special event. I knew that Carly would be missing her dad terribly, and that he would make a surprise return home. That’s how I wanted the series to end.
I had this vision of the front door opening, Carly hearing her dad’s voice, turning, breaking into a huge smile, yelling “Dad!” and running into his arms. I saw that scene in my head back in 2008. So, it was kind of surreal when we filmed that very scene, in 2012.
Also, this:
And here comes one of the most awesome, magical moments in the history of iCarly. It gives me chills every time I watch it. I had this moment in my brain – the return of Carly’s dad, and her reaction – way back in 2008. And now, it finally happens here. I wonder if you will feel choked up (in a good way) like I do, every time I watch this moment.
There is a saying that goes: if you can see it in your mind’s eye, you will grasp it in your hands. This right here is an AMAZING example of the power of the Law of Attraction. But this post isn’t about that.
“So, Spencer’s not your dad?” Isn’t it obvious by now, Gibby?
The usual greetings occur.
We have known, for 109 episodes, that Spencer is just a kid in a grown man’s body. Here’s the undeniable evidence.
Even Col. Shay agrees with me, that manpurse is incredibly feminine…
»Commercial Break«
»Scene 13 – the Apartment of the Shays«
Crazy hat party occurring. Yet another reference to iPilot.
T-Bo introduces himself to Col. Shay. He asks if T-Bo’s dating Freddie’s mom. T-Bo chokes at the thought.
What? Col. Shay is already leaving? I admit, I know what that is like…
Italy? It’s a dream of mine to go there…
Italian smoothies… They do use gelato.
And what convinced Carly to go to Italy is the thought of Italian guys.
One last iCarly.
Meet Colonel Steven Shay of the USAF. *salutes*
Baby Spencer freaks many people out…
A people’s favorite: “The Cowboy and the Idiot Farm Girl Who Thought That The Cowboy’s Mustache was a Squirrel”.
An iCarly PSA (Public Service Announcement).
Carly is making a See-Ya-Later speech. Somewhere, a Nevel Papperman is looking at this and laughing manically and maybe he’s spinning his chair in a celebratory fashion…
“I wanna say, to the fans of iCarly, thank you!” No, Carly, thank you!
“I’m Carly.”
“I’m Sam.”
“And this has been iCarly.” No words to describe this.
»Scene 14 – Carly’s Room«
Carly’s packing her clothing to go with her dad.
“We both know I’m a big, tall, goofy man-child.” Good, Spencer, the first step is admitting it.
“Being a grownup doesn’t mean you have to stop being silly and creative and fun.” Totally agreed…
»Scene 15 – Former iCarly Studio«
I want you to see this. Not for what it looks like, but for what it really is.
Freddie is packing up his high tech stuff.
This is not the body language that precedes a romantic kiss.
But, perhaps more important, is this:
This, my friends, is a reference to Mr. John Hughes. A director, writer, producer who passed away in 2009. But this short video featuring Emma Stone should provide a better insight.
»Downstairs«
The goodbyes. Always a hard part, especially for Jennette.
Gibby is the first one to give in to the tears…
Sam gives Carly the blue remote…
And, aboard an Aloft Airlines Airplane, Carly watches iCarly and sends us all in a trip down Memory Lane.
Freddie remembers how he practically appointed himself iCarly tech producer.
Spencer remembers the video squirrel… which has been on slow burn for 6 years, and only now has caught fire.
Sam remembers eating ham, while talking about iCarly.
In the very end, we see a car with the word iCarly on the license plate. Is that legal?
It’s been a blast doing this for you guys. This blog has done very well, for a small blog, with no previous experience in writing… And I owe it all to you guys. THANK YOU!!
This blog will stay online, I will only post it if I deem necessary.
You’ll still be able to find me on Twitter and on Facebook.
From RobSp1derp1g to you all, see you soon.
December 21st, 2012. What will you be doing?
Hello, my dear friends! How are you on this evening? Despite the comedic, shall we say, “line of work” of this blog, today’s subject is quite serious. We are 12 days away from the possibly most expected day of the past 100 years, maybe more. You should have heard a bunch of crazy-ass theories about that day. First of all, an advice: December 21st is a Friday so, in the event that the world DOES end, tell all your Rebecca Black jokes before-hand. Now, something serious: the world will NOT end on December 21st. The Mayans did NOT predict the end of the world, they predicted the end of a CYCLE, and that’s the key word here, CYCLE. And you can already feel the effects of the new cycle: a deeper spiritual connection with whatever your god is, amongst others. Now that we hav gotten that out of the way, here’s my question? What will you be doing on December 21st, 2012? I’ll go first: I’ll probably stay at home, scanning the news and the remnants of the Internet for reports of weird shi… stuff. All my looting and reckless behavior will be dealt with on the 20th. What about you? What will you be doing on December 21st, 2012? Comment below what will you be doing, and the reasons for doing that (religious beliefs, etc.)
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Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow...
"I'm Carly." "I'm Sam." "And this is iCarly!"
These eight words introduced us to Nickelodeon's flagship series: iCarly. It began airing in the Fall 2007, starting with "iPilot", which introduced a web show and four characters that would change our lives forever. The brunette beauty, Carly Shay. The butt-kicking blonde, Sam Puckett. The naive nerd, Freddie Benson. The comedy crybaby, Spencer Shay.
Stage 5
It’s going to be okay, it’s had a good run of seasons, and the story was wrapped up, unlike lots of other shows. And Seddie… we got Seddie…
Stage 4
If every show I ever like gets cancelled… What’s the point? Why watch TV at all, if eventually all the shows I like will be cancelled… Well, except the Simpsons…
Stage 3
I will plant a tree in Israel, if a new season of iCarly is made. I’ll do ANYTHING for a new season of iCarly…
Stage 2
Why us? It’s not fair! There are plenty other shows that can be canceled instead of iCarly! DAMN IT!!
Stage 1
What? iCarly’s ending? No, that’s not true. You’re lying. Why are you lying, you little lying person? iCarly will go on for DECADES!!!
Casting for new and exciting project!!
Hello, my friends.
I am working on a new project that will forever revolutionize the way you watch iCarly forever. It’s so forever, I said it twice.
You will need some equipment to work with us. A microphone, and software to record your voice with. I suggest Audacity. It’s a free software that you won’t get in trouble for.
All of you that are interested, should fill out the form below.
We, me and my partner in crime in this endeavor, will be on the lookout for people who already had some voice work of some sort, be it singing or just mimicking Goopy Gilbert.
My last words considering this are, “show us what you got!”
iOpen A Restaurant Review
Welcome to the iOpen a Restaurant review. Shall we get on with it?
»Scene 1 – iCarly webcast«
Drilling meat. Two words that have never been used together… Even MS Word has trouble recognizing it.
“Science Fact of The Day?” Is it possible that iCarly has connections to the people behind the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device, Aperture Science, also known as Aperture Labs?
Einstein’s alive?
Never mix clam juice and soy sauce. It causes you to explode…
“Can’t argue with Science.”
Spencer drunk both liquids and now he’s ok… okay, he exploded, leaving only his shoes…
Follow @CoolEinstein! You’ll learn something new every time. He’s like Bunsen Jude “The Science Dude”.
»Sometime later«
Grandpa Shay is worried about Spencer’s wellbeing, because he exploded.
The Shays have been robbed! Someone stole the TV, and the computer…
And Spencer is wearing Carly’s bathrobe.
Don’t, Spencer!
»Title Credits«
»Scene 2 – Ridgeway High«
Carly’s showing pics the cops sent her to Freddie.
I think I know that guy…
Carly’s right, he doesn’t care.
Carly’s worried about Gibby, she says it’s not like him to miss 2 classes in a row.
Now, here’s the line that created a fan war last Saturday, “Is it too late for you to love me?”
I think this is just an outburst from Freddie. But more on that later.
Sam arrives to tell Carly and Freddie that Gibman (yeah, Gibman) is in the school basement.
Carly’s relief is evident in her voice when she says “Is he okay?” He’s okay, by Gibby standards.
Go, go with Sam.
»Some time later«
The gang arrives at the basement. It’s full of spider webs.
Gibby welcomes the gang. The way he said it reminds me of movies with brain-washing religious cults.
He has wanted to open a restaurant… for as long as he can remember. And what better location for a restaurant than a high school basement?
It could actually work, Carly…
“Dreamspitter?” That’s a new one… But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, since there are parents that name their kids “Bartzina” and Hayley Dreamsmasher Smith. Look them up.
Opening a restaurant on the roof does have its advantages… Fresh air, amazing view…
Freddie goes in to support Carly, but he asks if there would be lasagna. Personally, I don’t like lasagna. The first time I had some it was really messed up.
And then Sam asks if there would be tater tots. I don’t know if I ever had that. I don’t know what that is.
A waterpark underground, Carly? Really?
Freddie is going to follow Carly up. And Sam starts to get suspicious…
“You got a new little crush on her?” Yeah, Freddie, she did ask you that. And if I may quote the Dark Prince from Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones (I’m a nerd, sue me.) “I eagerly await your response.”
And as Freddie walks upstairs, you can see that Sam is upset about that.
See? Look at her face…
Gibby comes to the rescue, but Sam intervenes: “Too close.”
»Scene 3 – Bushwell Plaza«
Okay, now I’m starting to get a little curious. Freddie’s going back to his old ‘crushing on Carly’ ways? Let’s see who wrote this episode…
“Written by Dan Schneider and Jake Farrow”. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m sure there’s a pretty sure there’s an explanation for Freddie’s behavior. Now, to find it…
I must admit, having 37 external flashes hit your eyes simultaneously seems like a lot.
37,000? Dude, that’s impressive!
Another one?
»Scene 4 – Ridgeway High Basement – Gibby’s«
Carly and Freddie are amazed that Gibby has actually managed to open a restaurant. By now, they should have somehow realized that anything is possible in a Dan Schneider show.
Carly still can’t believe it. Two words: it’s butter.
Only cool people can eat at Gibby’s. Friends of theirs. Even though I don’t know who the guy in the right table is. Or the hot girl next to him… I think I’m in love. But I’ve never talked to her. Can any of you introduce me? Cookie for whoever gets the reference.
Red pepper on pasta? Not my cup of tea, to be honest.
Sam has a cousin who has a nose. Shocker.
“So, I’ll hook it up?”
“Hook it, baby!”
Sibby shippers must be high right now…
Red pepper lemonade? That’s a first…
And Carly’s running around looking fo- Dayum… There’s some amazing girls in this school…
Okay, okay, we get it! You don’t like the lemonade…
»Commercial break«
»Scene 6 – Gibby’s Gibby’s«
Gibby’s has a new look. Round metal tables and a more roadside diner style. That is, comparing to the roadside diners I see on TV.
There’s a kid that just returned from juvie. Billy Boots.
Gibby doesn’t take his shirt off anymore. At least, not without a good reason.
Oh, no. Someone just pissed Gibby off… And that’s not a good thing to do.
So, when you insult Gibby, you get free stuff at his restaurant?
Oh, it’s just like in Buttersock 3: Return of the Buttersock…
»Scene 7«
Spencer called Carly and Freddie in from school, to show them his new toy/security system.
I must admit, this looks quite dangerous…
Okay, 1200 ft/s… That equals about… 818.1799 miles per hour or 365.7584 meters/second. Math…
Damn, those popcorn kernels are made of what? Metal?
»Meanwhile, back at Gibby’s«
Gibby’s back… Back again…
Sam to the rescue! It still amazes me that Sam can overpower anyone. And I wish to test that.
»Meanwhile, thousands of miles away«
As I wrote this, I had a MAJOR dejá vu moment.
Spencer, Carly and Freddie are going to use Mrs. Benson as bait, to turn off the kill machine.
When all else fails, unplug the machine.
»Scene 8«
Professor Howard is back from the moon… I don’t recall if he was killed by the Decepticons…
Mr. Howard, you can see all the restaurant supplies here, so the simplest answer, and the most obvious one is, “DUH!”
All the good things come to an end… and as such, Gibby’s will close…
And they say professors aren’t nice…
What was your favorite thing about this episode? Let me know through the comments!
