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iReunite With Missy – Reencontro com a Missy – Review – PT

*a cantar* It don’t take money, don’t take fame, don’t need no credit card to ride this train.
It’s strong and it’s sudden and… Ah, está ligado!

Olá a todos! Como vai tudo?

Vocês apanharam-me a cantar uma das melhores músicas de todos os tempos. Ah, tempo. Que conceito fascinante…

A maioria das pessoas acha que o tempo é como um rio, que flui rápida e definitivamente numa direcção. Mas eu já vi o rosto do tempo, e posso vos dizer, eles estão errados. O tempo é um oceano numa tempestade. Vocês podem perguntar-se quem eu sou ou porque digo isso. Sente-se e eu contar-lhes-ei um conto como nenhum que vocês já ouviram…

Por que razão começo de repente a citar filmes e videojogos? Eu tenho que mandar arranjar isso… Read the rest of this entry

iReunite With Missy – Review

*singing* It don’t take money, don’t take fame, don’t need no credit card to ride this train. It’s strong and it’s sudden and… Oh, it’s on!

Hello everyone! How’s every little thing?
You have caught me singing to one of the best songs of all time. Time. Such a fascinating concept…

Most people think time is like a river, that flows swift and sure in one direction. But I have seen the face of time, and I can tell you, they are wrong. Time is an ocean in a storm. You may wonder who I am or why I say this. Sit down and I will tell you a tale like none you have ever heard…

Why do I start randomly quoting movies and videogames… I have to get this fixed…

Anyhow, I think you’re here for my next review, right? This time the episode will be… I said, will be… oh, right. Phoebe’s not here for the week and the drum’s broken. *takes 2 pens and starts drumming them* Homemade drum roll… The episode will be… The one what tied with iKiss on my poll. And that episode is… a good one. And that episode’s name… starts with an ‘i’. Should I stop stating the obvious? Hell, yes! The episode is iReunite With Missy! 217 in production order.

But enough of this. Episode review, start!

We all love big boxes like the one Spencer is carrying…

Events of the day:
1) Carly got an A on her geometry test. Geometry’s easy, so…

2) Sam had fish sticks for lunch. Fish sticks are good. It reminds me of this quote by the man himself, Homer Simpson: “Hmm, unprocessed fish sticks…”

3) Freddie’s locker was robbed! What was stolen? Just the sleeves and his pants legs. Personally, I think that look might actually become a trend.

Sam blames the tartar sauce. Sure, Sam, it’s all the sauce’s fault.

See? Carly’s right. You’re all friends… not friends and a co-worker.

“Would that make you happy?” I crack up.

I wonder if Freddie got too hurt. It sounded like he did.

But his mom was cool about it. She only screamed once when Freddie hit the shelf.

Why would Spencer have cheese on a box? Man, it sounds like some kind of product…

Oh, a camping trip! Count me in! Who’s going?

*gulp* Socko’s grandmother? Count me out, Spence… Is she the brick lady? What? I’m only asking… There’s no crime in that, is there, Sam? *hears whispers* Sam says no.

Spencer goes on a camping trip, leaving his little teenage sister and her meat-craving best friend at home and Mrs. Benson says nothing about it? I mean, come on!! Isn’t she trying to make him more responsible? No? My mistake then.

A puppet show about personal hygiene? Was it Oompé, the poopet? Random? Yeah, much…

Why does Carly want the flare gun for?

Guadalajara, Sam? That’s like, somewhere, outside…

We meet Missy, who is portrayed by Miranda Cosgrove’s real life best friend Haley Ramm. Only fairly recently, I have discovered that Haley had portrayed Gwen Tennyson on Ben 10: Race Against Time. I saw that movie and I didn’t recognize her. I feel like such a bad fan…

Fangirl squeaks. It hurts to much to hear it…

Carly and Missy go back a long time.

There’s the flare gun…

~~ Title Sequence ~~

– Setting: Ridgeway High School –

Mr. Howard is announcing the School at Sea program to the student community.

Pretending to study? People actually study in there! Look at… No, he didn’t go in it. But what about… She got seasick… Oh, this one actually studied in one of those. Cody Martin! *Alarm and flashing hazard lights turn on* *Off-voice says “Disney-related content has been mentioned”* *pushes a button* I have GOT to get this thing updated. The point being, you actually study in there.

Freddie wants to win that contest. Bad enough to go into the mob full of kids while quoting “The Matrix”. ‘I’m going in.’ Both “Neo” (Keanu Reeves) and “Trinity” (Carrie-Ann Moss) say that line.

What’s up with Kevin’s onion ring? Now I’m curious. Yet something tells me that I might regret it.

Navy members can request airborne transportation for family stuff. That’s a fact. Or not.

That teacher is officially the worst thing I have layed my eyes on… That blue thing on top of her eyes… *goes to corner, gets into fetal position and starts rocking himself while saying “It’s blue. It’s blue! The the freakin eye shadow is blue!!”*

>>> Transition to: Bushwell Plaza’s basement <<<

Spencer is getting his sleeping bag. What events will unfold while he is in here? Let’s watch…

A little question for my readers. Can anyone tell me what is written in the box behind Spencer? I can only make out “… red … B’s” If you know what’s written, please leave a comment. If you don’t, leave a comment.

That seems heavy…

>>> Transition to: The Shay’s kitchen <<<

I don’t mind that military people use airborne transportation for their own personal reasons, but landing a helicopter in a pizza store parking lot just to get some pizza? That’s… that’s… do they have mushrooms in that pizza place? They do? Then I don’t mind at all…

“Wanna punch? Yeah, punch me.” I’m sure that Sam might do that…

We see Sam entering the Shay’s apartment with a piñata shell. Where did she get that? Definitely not at the meat festival. Unless… Oh my God, it’s full of meat! YAY, meat piñata!!

“Colorful shells full of empty promises” Good one, Sam! I swear that’s one of the best lines ever. Get it? “Promises?” “Swear.” My jokes aren’t what they used to be…

“She wahooed my phone!” Now’s your chance, Sam! she wanted to be punched, so, punch her! I wanna see a chick fight!

Persian chocolates? Sounds yummy. I met a Persian prince, he had to fight the incarnation of Fate. And he won.

>>> Transition to: Bushwell Plaza Basement <<<

Spencer is stuck below all the junk in his, thing that resembles a locker.

What’s wrong with the ringtone?

This has GOT to be the shortest scene in all of iCarly-dom.

## Transition to: Shay’s Kitchen ##

It turns out that the chocolates are good.

## Scene cut to: basement, again ##

Introducing new challenger. Chuck Chambers.

You know what they say, Spencer. Payback’s a *manually censored word*. Vengeance is a dish best served icy.

It’s kinda weird that such a small kid can be so vicious.

## Setting: iCarly studio ##

Sam is sick? “What? Why?”

It’s often bad when people feel like butt.

What swingset? I’m tired of hearing things about that swingset and I wanna see the swingset and I can’t see the swingset. Should I stop saying swingset? Yes, I swingset, I mean, should.

Missy intended to poison Sam, but her plan didn’t include co-hosting iCarly. That was a perk. (Time for some 80’s music reference! “Every rose has it’s thorn, just like every night has it’s dawn. Just like every cowboy has a sad, sad song. Every rose has it’s thorn.”) A song loved amongst Advanceshippers.

Look at Freddie’s face when Sam’s leaving. He’s clearly upset. If I were Freddie, I’d activate the B-cam and go with Sam.

—– Commercial Break —–

Carly brings Sam some soup. Chicken soup. Freddie soup. SHE ATE FREDDIE!! (Seriously, now, I had a theory about this, chicken soup and Sam, but I forgot. Once I remember, which I will, I’ll post it here for your reading pleasure).

“Just like mom never made.” Incredible. Sam keeps coming up with the best lines.

“Missy didn’t touch this, did she?” Again, my statement is proven true.

The chocolates’ expiration date is written in foreign. I can read foreign!

1992? God, that’s old! That’s even older than… Oh, Sam has already done this.

It could be a surveillance camera. That wart’s so big it could fit a whole news van in it.

Gibby, a mermaid? Actually that’s one of the most credible theories I’ve heard. I know about someone who thinks Gibby is part of an alien race who is trying to conquer Earth.

That’s the first time I believe Sam when she says she’s not jealous.

A chocolaty stomach bomb.

A tasty chocolaty stomach bomb.

>>> Transition to: Bushwell basement <<<

This is one of the few instances that Dan Schneider has used real-world video game consoles. Either that, or he invented a fake name for the PSP.

Uh, is the police threat supposed to get a 12-year-old boy scared? That threat got Spencer to be shot by a water gun. Which had a liquid which was not water.

In a “keadnapping”, this is the part where the police asks the kidnapper what are his or her demands. Spencer’s list of possible demands are quite, how can I put it, uncommon… Money? Common motive. Power? By holding someone prisoner against their will, they have power over the prisoners. An ostrich? Don’t give Marvin up, Spencer!! Who’ll bite your pants when he’s gone??

Classical move by Spencer. I call this move the “come-here-and-I-will-tell-you-a-fake-secret-that-will-ultimately-do-nothing-but-contribute-to-my-own-suffering”. Short name, I know. There are longer ones, trust me.

>>> Transition to: The Groovy Smoothie <<<

You know that speech that Missy says? The whole “I wouldn’t get between you and Carly” thing? If my brother was writing this, he’d write: “FAKE!!! YOU’RE LYING!!! YOU LYING LIAR!!” “I still think Gibby’s a mermaid…” Oh, Sam.

You know the latest iCarly.com random debate? The one with Gibby and T-Bo? It’s my turn to come up with a word.

——-
Word: STEREOPOLIZE

Category: verb

Meaning: To celebrate or commemorate an event with the sipping of smoothies.

Used in a sentence: Carly stereopolized with Sam and Missy.
——-

Is it just me, or Sam just said the longest threat EVER??

Missy’s argument has valid points…

Defective cup? I think you can sue! Call Sally Jenson, Kid Lawyer. SHE FIGHTS FOR YOU!! (wow, it even rhymed)

– Setting: Bushwell Plaza –

Do you know what’s coming next? I think you do! It’s the famous hallway scene! Seddie FTW!!

Sam’s impersonation of Missy was accurate, in my opinion.

You can see that Sam got hurt by Freddie’s disbelief in her. But Freddie was not 100% sure that Carly was right. He said maybe twice.

One reason: that is all it takes.

What she said is true, Freddie. She claims to hate your guts, and now she has asked you for help.

That alone should mean something.

Now take a few moments to reflect on this scene. Now, if you can listen to “Cloud Number Nine” by Bryan Adams, please do. Click on this link to hear the song.

What’s butter got to do, got to do with it?

– Setting: Ridgeway High School –

“Ahoy!” Mr. Howard just informed Missy that she won the SAS contest.

Sam’s was half-smiling because of 2 things: Missy won the SAS contest, which means, she’s gone. And because Freddie didn’t win it… <– These are here for a reason.

“I couldn’t care less about the words I’m saying…” Gold.

Of course! Participating in a 6-month cruise around the world is way better than being with your best friends, who will last for life.

“Sometimes good things happen to hideous people…” Here she goes again.

“You’re a…” “Whackjob” “…Whackjob!”

“Mama does love her meat!” I love that accent.

“I should have believed you.” “Yeah, no chiz…”

Sam Puckett, criminal-in-training.

– Setting: Bushwell Basement –

Look at Chuck’s quick movements. That kid moves fast…

His I-don’t-know-what’s-going-on voice is amazing. “Hi, daddy!”

“And he squirted me with fluids!” Oh, Spencer…

“What was in that squirt gun?”

– Setting: Ridgeway High School –

Austria and Australia ARE NOT the same thing. Just to be sure.

Here comes Wendy. She’s so… so… wait a minute, I don’t know anything about her! But she does seem to know something about Freddie…

He does seem interested in not letting Wendy finish.

Now I’m confused. Who won the SAS thing? Fredward Benson or Missy Robinson?

Oh, so that’s what happened…

Riiight, I’ll tell you what I told Sam the other day, I’ll pretend I believe that.

You do care about Sam…

And Missy is throwing up like there’s not tomorrow…

As you can see, this episode, while not filled with Seddie action, had some strong moments.

Now, I have an announcement. There will be some cool stuff coming soon to this blog and all of the Seddieverse. And I don’t mean iSam’s Mom. Stay tuned!

Until we meet again, have a Seddietastic Seddietember and have your daily Seddie fix!

iKiss – O Primeiro Beijo – Review – PT

Em primeiro lugar, devo dizer-lhes que a Phoebe teve um pequeno problema e ela tirou uns dias.

Aqui está o primeiro vencedor!

Nesta review, vou usar um sistema para classificar a auto-estima do Freddie. Sendo 1 o mais baixo (ainda com alguma) e 10 sendo o mais elevado. Acho que ele está em 8 no início do episódio.

Quem não se lembra do Pé? É uma personagem carismática que não aparece muitas vezes. Acho que só apareceu duas vezes na série…

O Freddie tem um desejo de morte. Sabem como sei? Porque ele pregou uma partida á Sam … É por isso.

“Abre a porta!” “Chama a polícia!” Sempre que ouço esta frase, eu rio-me desalmadamente. Não importa a língua em que eu estou a ver. Eu rio-me sempre.

O olhar de terror do Freddie enquanto a Sam se aproxima dele é tão incrível, ele pode até rivalizar com alguns dos olhares de terror de todos os filmes de Alfred Hitchcock. Ou não. Mas ainda assim é impressionante.

Vocês conhecem aquela música de Natal, “Rocking Around the Christmas Tree”? Este ano haverá uma versão diferente. Vai ser chamada “Running Around the Shay’s kitchen counter”. Não é a mesma coisa, eu sei, mas tenho grandes esperanças para esta canção.

O Gibby tem um terapeuta? *Suspiro completamente exagerado* Eu não teria sequer imaginado…

“Eu não brinco para ficarmos quites. A mamã joga para ganhar!” Tem cuidado, Freddie. Também tem medo, tem muito medo!

“Eu não estou assustado.” O Freddie não tem medo, ele está apenas um pouco … Qual é a palavra … é isso, apavorado.

- Sequencia de Titulo -

~~ Ambiente: O apartamento dos Shay ~~

O Spencer quer ser um Cobra de Seattle. Sim, e eu quero ser um astronauta. Não significa que vai acontecer … Mas eu gostaria de ver a Terra lá de cima … *Olhar sonhador*

Além disso, um jogador de futebol não fica nervoso quando sua irmã adolescente passa pela porta com a sua melhor amiga.

A Carly e a Sam foram ver “O Primeiro Beijo”. É o equivalente do Schneider-verso de “My Girl” (filme com Macaulay Culkin, o miudo dos filmes Sozinho em Casa/Esqueceram de Mim). Esse filme não é … antigo? Eu lembro-me de ter visto aquela coisa, quando eu tinha 7 anos. 7! Além disso, é um filme sobre CRIANÇAS! Desculpem-me, eu tenho que fazer um telefonema. *vai para o fundo da sala, mas ainda pode ser ouvido * Olá, Phoebe, por favor, podes marcar um consulta com o Dr. Paxil? Sim, aconteceu de novo… Ok? Obrigado, és a melhor. O quê? Sim, ainda tens o aumento. Eu tenho de ir. Cuida-te.

Ok, estou de volta.

Vá lá, Sam, não sejas tão pessimista … Existem outras maneiras de fazer desaparecer os jogadores de futebol. Como utilizar os serviços do teu tio Carmine…

Agora, sinto-me tão mal pelo Spencer. Nenhum homem jamais deveria ser ter de sentir aquele tipo de dor…

- Transição para: o estúdio iCarly -

O Freddie veio preparado para o caso da Sam decidir vingar-se. Agora, corrijam-me em que eu estou errado, mas eu vi uma cena semelhante no iCarly antes. Em que episódio foi?

Concordo com o Freddie. Isso soa como um filme que duraria aproximadamente, eu não sei, 8 segundos …

Interrogatório da Sam! Eu adoro esta cena, eu realmente adoro.

“Somos todos amigos aqui. Bem, dois amigos e um colega…” Oh Sam. No final do episódio, isso já não se aplica mais.
Facto: Quando Sam diz isto, pode-se claramente ver que o Freddie está a olhar para a Sam. E o tema da conversa não poderia ser melhor. A mais subtil de sugestões Seddie. E eu vi.

Facto interessante: a Carly afirma que o seu primeiro beijo foi com Ben Huebscher. O verdadeiro Ben Huebscher é um dos coordenadores do guião da série.

Este é outro exemplo das capacidades de mentir da Sam. Ela foi capaz de enganar a todos (duas pessoas, mas ainda assim).

Mas ela não se preparar para o retorno de Freddie. “Que romântico.” “Como queiras…”

Agora eu gostaria de discutir algo que ambos os biólogos e astrónomos provaram erradas.
De acordo com o comportamento de Sam Puckett, parece que ela possui algum tipo de entidade cósmica no seu corpo. Com isto quero dizer, a rapariga deve ter um BURACO NEGRO no seu estômago! Ela come tudo que vê! Vá lá!

Assim que a Sam atravessou a porta, o Freddie levantou-se, como se a conversa tivesse ido por água abaixo.

Porque é que a Carly precisa saber? Não tem nada a ver com isso! Ela vai ter o seu próprio episódio com o Freddie, o que é suficiente.

“Preciso de dinheiro de outras pessoas …” Impagável. Perceberam? Dinheiro? Pagar? Eu vou parar agora…

Agora, uma frase de pessoas em todo o mundo usariam se soubessem o significado dela. “O tecto é novo?”

Este episódio parece ser um campo de batalha. Por quê? Aqui está a bomba: “Eu nunca beijei ninguém.”

Valerie. Eu não ouvi falar dela desde a última vez que foi mencionada.

A Carly tentando fazer o Freddie sentir-se melhor. E falhando miseravelmente, eu posso acrescentar.

Freddie, eu não posso concordar mais, infelizmente.

Sam gosta de escutar ás escondidas … Ela é uma miuda má.

- Ambiente: Living room/kitchen dos Shay-

O Spencer está a aprender sobre futebol. Sabem o que é impressionante? Se, de alguma forma, através de algum evento cósmico, a bola pegasse fogo.

Concordo com a Carly, nem todos os jogadores de futebol fazem isso.

No final, tudo se resume a isso, motivação.

Tempo de ganhar músculos, Spencer.

E aqui está uma lição para todos os meus leitores. Quando alguém diz: “Eu digo-te como …” Isso normalmente significa problemas.

- Salto no tempo -

O Spencer está a empurrar a Carly. Num carrinho de mão. Apesar dos meus intensos debates internos, não consegui ver o que não está bem aqui.

Depois de apenas 105 segundos de corrida, o Spencer já está cansado?

- Transição para: estudio iCarly -

iCarly está a ser gravado. Temos que ver o trailer de Kelly Cooper: Terríble Movie. Tem uma avaliação de T – Terrível. Agora, uma pequena questão relativa á produção que eu gostaria que o Dan respondesse: Como é que você faz estas imagens do tipo das da MPAA? Eu também quero fazer isso…

-Trailer de Kelly Cooper: Terrible Movie-

Uma rapariga chamada Kelly que quer ser popular com a multidão. Mas os seus sonhos são destruídos por uma garota má chamada Natalie… (Eu adoro esse nome, por sinal).

Mas Kelly não desiste. Ela optou por um caminho de auto-aperfeiçoamento, principalmente as suas oupas e passos de dança. Houve momentos em que ela quase desistiu. E entre tudo isso, ela encontrou o amor verdadeiro nos braços do Chad.

Agora, com um recém-encontrado sentimento de auto-confiança, ela está pronta para tomar a cidade de surpresa.
-Fim de Trailer de Kelly Cooper: Terrible Movie-

O “olá” do Freddie é tão cheio de potencial. Isso mostra que Freddie tem medo de que Sam pode fazer com ele …

E aqui vem a segunda bomba. A Sam riposta. (Nível de auto-estima do Freddie: -3 Actual: 5)

Olhem para o profissionalismo deste grupo: Assim que a Sam pára de falar, ela sai, deixando a Carly sozinha em frente da câmera. A Carly persegue a Sam quando ela percebe o que Sam fez. E, ao longo de todo esta provação, o Freddie permaneceu quieto, com a câmara focada no local onde as raparigas estavam. Isto, meus amigos é verdadeiro profissionalismo.

A câmara cai, e ainda trabalha. A qualidade das câmaras usadas lá na Schneider’s Bakery.

—> Pausa para anúncios <—

- Ambiente: Escola Secundária de Ridgeway -

Aquele é o Freddie num disfarce? Ele deve estar se sentindo muito mal depois daquilo … Mas, também, qualquer um ficaria.

E agora, uma série de eventos feitos á medida para baixar a auto-estima do Freddie:
1) Alunos do liceu. (NAE Freddie: -1 Actual: 4)
2) O professor. Fez uma grande asneira. (NAE Freddie: -2 Actual: 2)
3) As meninas. (NAE Freddie: -1 ACtual: 1. AVISO: PERIGOSAMENTE PERTO DE 0)

Uma pequena nota lateral: Nós sabemos como facto que Carly se preocupa com o Freddie. Como SeddieShipper, eu admito isso. Mas, na minha opinião, se Creddie ia acontecer, Carly teria terminado a miséria do Freddie e aumentado o seu NAE em 100 por beijá-lo. Ele teria sido beijado e por Carly, a suposta “garota dos seus sonhos”.

- Ambiente: apartamento dos Shay -

Uma batida na porta. Quem poderia ser? Oh, é o nosso favorito não-ainda-personagem-principal, Gibby!

O Gibby está no apartamento dos Shay em nome de Carly para “ajudar” Spencer a entrar em forma para as eliminatórias.

“Fazer o que os Gibbys fazem.” Incrível…

Café quente em vez de água. Um erro honesto. Isso pode acontecer … Afinal não.

Como distrair um Gibby: dar-lhe 10 dólares e mandá-lo ir pelo elevador. NÃO PELO FOSSO, O ELEVADOR VERDADEIRO! Eu não vou ser responsável por assassinatos ou homicídios acidentais.

- Local: Estúdio do iCarly -

A caixa com almôndegas lê “Almondegas Baratas”. O meu irmão era o responsável por esta incrível descoberta. Obrigado, mano!

A Sam percebeu que o Freddie não foi à escola? Hmm…

A Carly tem a incrível capacidade de fazer com que Sam se sente culpada. Isso deveria ter sido apresentado em Heroes…

Pode, sim senhor… Espera só…

Esperem, o iCarly realmente mantém as caixas dos gatos a cheirar bem todos os dias? Eu poderia arranjar algumas para o meu gato…

Momento intenso de iCarly: Sam pede desculpas.

E cai a terceira bomba: Sam nunca beijou ninguém.

Ela não mentiu…

Ela vai pedir desculpas ao Freddie. E ela leva almôndegas.

-Salto no tempo-

Até o momento em que a Sam chega ao santuário exterior do Freddie, ou seja, a escada de incêndio, todas as almôndegas desapareceram. Só pensei que todos vocês devem saber.

Eu sei que este é um programa de TV e é feito em Hollywood, mas eu quero visitar a escada de incêndio.

Freddie está a descansar na sua cadeira, pensando sobre a sua vida.

Uma conversa sentimental ocorre entre a Sam e o Freddie…

Um pedido de desculpas segue-se…

“Só para resolver-mos isto.” Certo, Sam, certo. Vou fingir que acredito nisso…

Depois de assistir a este episódio em Português, eu achei uma coisa. Sam diz, “Voltamos a odiar-nos assim que acabar.” Isso significa que durante os 8 segundos que o beijo durou, eles se amaram. Em outras palavras, Seddie aconteceu.

Olhem para o sincronismo entre estes dois: Ele riu e ela sabia exactamente o que ele estava a pensar. Mas ela ainda queria que ele dissesse. Isto, meus bons amigos, é a mais pura forma de sincronismo. Um pensamento não falado a ser compartilhado por duas pessoas.

Se era um beijo “só-para-resolver”, porque é que eles precisam de o manter em segredo?

A última bomba do episódio: Sam e Freddie beijaram-se.

Um beijo secreto numa escada de incêndio. Um cenário romântico. Dan, você e sua mente brilhante.

A canção. Oh, o som das ondas que enviaram milhões de centelhas de imaginação para Seddieshippers emtodo o mundo. É provavelmente a única canção que se encaixam nesse momento em suas vidas.

8 segundos depois, o beijo termina.

A cara do Freddie como que diz: “Eu não lamento nada!” e podemos ver isso é verdade: NAE Freddie: 9000000000 Actual: 9000000001. Conclusão: IT’S OVER NINE THOUSAND!!

O beijo. Descrição: giro. Descrição é positivo? Sim. Eles gostaram do beijo.

“Bom trabalho”? Vá lá, Sam, podes fazer melhor do que isto…

É claro que Freddie não odeia Sam. É além do óbvio.

Agora Freddie deve perceber o que aconteceu. Ele observa a Sam a sair e coloca-se na sua postura de ponderação.

E conclui que a minha review de iKiss, o episódio mais votado da minha votação.

Até nos encontrarmos novamente, ter uma Seddietembro Seddietastico e tenham a vossa dose de Seddie diária!!

iKiss – Review

First I should tell you that Phoebe had a little problem and she’s taking a little time off.

Here’s the first winner!

In this review, I’m using a system to rate Freddie’s self-esteem. 1 being the lowest (still having some left) and 10 being the highest. I think he’s in 8 at the start of the episode.

Who doesn’t remember the Foot? It’s a charismatic character that doesn’t come around that often. I think it has only appeared twice on the show…

Freddie has a death wish. You know how I know? ‘Cause he pulled a prank on Sam… That’s why.

“Open the door!” “Call the police!” Whenever I hear this line, I instantly crack up. No matter the language I’m watching in. I always laugh.

Freddie’s look of terror as Sam approaches him is so awesome, it might even match some of the looks of terror in any Alfred Hitchcock movie. Or not. But it’s still awesome.

You know that Christmas song, “Rocking around the Christmas Tree”? This year there will be a different version. It will be called “Running around the Shay’s kitchen counter”. Not the same, I know, but I have high hopes for this song.

Gibby has a therapist? *completely over-the-top gasp* I wouldn’t even have guessed…

“I don’t play to get even. Momma plays to win!” Be careful, Freddie. Also be afraid, be very afraid!

“I’m not scared.” Freddie’s not scared, he’s just a little… what’s the word… that’s it, terrified.

–Title Sequence–

~~Setting: The Shay’s apartment~~

Spencer wants to be a Seattle Cobra. Yes, and I want to be an astronaut. Doesn’t mean it’s gonna happen… But I would like to see the Earth from up there… *Dreamy look*

Besides, a football player does not get jumpy when his little teenage sister walks through the door with her best friend.

Carly and Sam went to see “The First Kiss”. It’s the Schneiderverse’s equivalent to “My Girl”. Isn’t that movie like… ancient? I remember seeing that thing when I was 7. 7!! Besides, it’s a movie about KIDS!! Excuse me, I have to make a phone call. *goes to the back but still in ear range* Hello, Phoebe, can you please set up an appointment with Dr. Paxil? Yeah, it happened again… Okay? Thanks, you’re the best. What? Yes, you still get the raise. I have to go. Take care.

Okay, I’m back.

Now, now, Sam, don’t be so pessimistic… There are other ways to make the football players disappear. Like using your uncle Carmine’s services…

Right now, I feel so bad for Spencer. No man should ever be allowed to feel that kind of pain…

–Transition to: the iCarly studio–

Freddie came in prepared in case Sam decides to strike back. Now, correct me in I’m wrong, but I have seen a similar scene on iCarly before. What episode was it?

I agree with Freddie. That sounds like a movie that would last about, I don’t know, 8 seconds…

Sam’s questioning! I love this scene, I truly do.

“We’re all friends here. Well, two friends and a co-worker…” Oh, Sam. By the end of the episode, that won’t apply anymore.
Fun Fact: When Sam says that, you can clearly tell that Freddie is looking at Sam. And the topic of the conversation could not be better. The most subtle of Seddie hints. And I saw it.

Interesting fact: Carly states that her first kiss was Ben Huebscher. The real Ben Huebscher is one of the script coordinators in the show.

This is another example of Sam’s lying skills. She was able to fool everyone (two people, but still). But she didn’t prepare herself for Freddie’s comeback. “So romantic.” “Whatever…”

Now I would like to discuss something that both biologists and astronomers have proven wrong. According to Sam Puckett’s behavior, it appears that she possesses some kind of cosmic entity in her body. By this I mean, THE GIRL MUST HAVE A BLACK HOLE IN HER STOMACH!! She eats everything she sees! Come on!

As soon as Sam went through the door, Freddie got up, as if the conversation has gone down the drain.

Why does Carly need to know? It’s none of her business! She’ll have her own episode with Freddie, that’s enough.

“I need money from other people…” Priceless. Get it? Money? Price? I’ll stop now…

Now, a sentence people the world over would use if they knew the meaning of it. “Is that a new ceiling?”

This episode seems like a battlefield. Why? Here’s the bomb: “I’ve never kissed anyone.”

Valerie. I haven’t heard about her since the last time she was mentioned.

Carly trying to make Freddie feel better. And failing miserably, might I add.

Freddie, I couldn’t agree more, unfortunately.

Sam likes to eavesdrop… She’s one bad chick.

–Setting: Shay’s Living room/kitchen–

Spencer is learning about football. You know what’d be awesome? If, somehow, through some cosmic event, the football caught on fire.

I agree with Carly, not all football players do that.

In the end, it all comes back to it, motivation.

Muscle building time, Spencer.

And here’s a lesson for all my readers. When someone says, “I’ll show you how…” It usually means trouble.

–Time skip–

Spencer is pushing Carly around. In a wheelbarrow. Despite my intense inner debates, I failed to see what’s not okay here.

After only 105 seconds of running, Spencer is already tired?

–Transition to: iCarly Studio–

iCarly is being recorded. We get to see the trailer for the Kelly Cooper: Terrible Movie It’s rated T – Terrible. Now, one small production question that I would like Dan to answer: How do you do those MPAA-esque images? I want to do those too…

-Kelly Cooper: Terrible Movie Trailer Review-

A girl named Kelly who wants to be with the popular crowd. But her dreams are torn to shreds by an evil girl named Natalie… (I love that name, by the way.)

But Kelly wouldn’t give up just yet. She took on a path of self-improvement, mostly her garments and dance moves. There were moments in which she almost gave up. And between all that, she found true love in the arms of Chad.

Now, with a new-found sense of self-confidence, she is ready to take the town by storm.
-End Of Kelly Cooper: Terrible Movie Trailer Review-

Freddie’s ‘hello’ is so full of potential. It shows that Freddie is afraid of what Sam might do to him…

And here comes the second bomb. Sam fights back. (Freddie’s Self Esteem Level -3 Current: 5)

Look at the professionalism of this group: As soon as Sam stops talking, she leaves, leaving Carly alone in front of the camera. Carly chases Sam when she realizes what Sam did. AND, throughout this whole ordeal, Freddie remained still, training the camera on the girls. That, my friends is true professionalism.

The camera falls down, and is still working. The quality of the cameras back at Schneider’s Bakery.

—> Commercial Break <—

–Setting: Ridgeway High–

Is that Freddie in a disguise? He must be feeling quite bad after that… But then again, so would anyone.

And now, a series of events tailor-made to lower Freddie’s self-esteem:
1) High school guys (Freddie’s SEL:-1 Current: 4)
2) The teacher. Screwed up big time. (Freddie’s SEL:-2 Current: 2)
3) The little girls. (Freddie’s SEL:-1 Current: 1. WARNING: DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO 0)

A little side note: We know for a fact that Carly cares for Freddie. As a SeddieShipper, I admit that. But in my opinion, if Creddie was going to happen, Carly would have ended Freddie’s misery and raised his SEL to 100 by kissing him. He would have been kissed AND by Carly, the supposed “girl of his dreams”.

–Setting: Shay’s apartment–

A knock on the door. Who could it be? Oh, it’s our favorite not-yet-main-character, Gibby!

Gibby is on the Shay’s apartment on behalf of Carly to “help” Spencer get in shape for the tryouts.

“Do whatever it is Gibby’s do.” Incredible…

Water for hot coffee. A honest mistake. It can happen… not really.

How to distract a Gibby: give it 10 bucks and send him down the elevator. NOT THE SHAFT, THE ACTUAL ELEVATOR!! I will not be responsible for murders or accidental homicides.

–Setting: iCarly studio–

The box with meatballs reads “Inexpensive Meatballs.” My brother was the one responsible for this awesome find. Thanks, bro!

Sam noticed Freddie didn’t go to school? Hmm…

Carly has the incredible ability of making Sam feel guilty. It should have been featured on Heroes…

Oh, yes, she can… Just you wait…

Wait, iCarly actually keeps kitties’ litter boxes fresh all day? I might just get some for my cat…

Intense moment on iCarly: Sam apologizes.

And the third bomb is dropped: Sam never kissed anyone.

She didn’t lie…

She’s going to apologize to Freddie. And she’s taking meatballs.

-Time Skip-

By the time Sam arrives at Freddie’s outer sanctum, i.e., the fire escape, all the meatballs are gone. Just thought you all should know.

I know this is a TV show and it’s made in Hollywood, but I want to visit that fire escape.

Freddie is resting on his chair, thinking about his life.

A touchy conversation takes place between Sam and Freddie…

An apology follows…

“Get it out of the way.” Right, Sam, right. I’ll pretend to believe that…

After watching this episode in Portuguese, I found something. Sam says, “We’ll go right back to hating each other as soon as it’s over.” That means that for the 8 seconds the kiss lasted, they loved each other. In other words, Seddie has happened.

Look at the synchronicity between these two: He chuckled and she knew exactly what he was thinking about. But she still wanted him to say it. That, my good friends, is the purest form of synchronicity. An unspoken thought being shared by two people.

If is was a “just-to-get-it-over-with kiss”, why do they need to keep it a secret?

The last bomb of the episode: Sam and Freddie kissed.

A secret kiss in a fire escape. A romantic setting. Dan, you and your brilliant mind.

The song. Oh, the sound waves that have sent millions of sparkles of imagination to Seddieshippers the world over. It is probably the only song that fit that moment in their lives.

8 seconds later, the kiss ends.

Freddie’s face kinda says “I REGRET NOTHING!!” and we can see this is true: Freddie’s SEL:+9000000000 Current: 9000000001. Conclusion: IT’S OVER NINE THOUSAND!!!!

The kiss. Description: nice. Is description positive? Yes. They liked the kiss.

“Good work”? Come on Sam, you can do better than that…

It’s clear that Freddie does not hate Sam. It’s beyond obvious.

Now Freddie must realize what happened. He watches Sam leave and gets himself in his pondering stance.

And that concludes my review of iKiss, the top voted episode of my poll.

Until we meet again, have a Seddietastic Seddietember and have you daily Seddie fix!!

Next review

Okay, I was wondering, what episode should I review next? But I can’t decide!
So, I made a poll. This poll will close on September 1st. And you will only know the result when I post it! I’m evil, I know…


So, have fun, and until then, have your daily Seddie Fix.

iMust Have Locker 239 – Review

I said I would make a review for iMust Have Locker 239, didn’t I?

Okay, here are my starting notes: This episode is special because it’s the only episode so far in which Sam’s mom realy influenced an episode’s outcome.

To the review! *Batmobile sound*

Sam and Carly clipping Gibby’s toenails, while blindfolded. iCarly’s randomness just reached a new level.

Massage the elderly? That’s a new one…

4.000 emails a week, 2.000 from just one guy? Someone’s got issues…

Mr. Piggles? The spokespig? I think I found Spiderpig a relative…

As soon as Sam has the camera, Freddie tries once again to be right next to Carly. Futile attempt. Oh, Freddie, will you ever stop trying? JUST LOOK AT SAM, SHE’S RIGHT THERE!!! *clears throat* Sorry, lost my cool for a moment there…

Freddie’s bunny looks awesome! I can’t draw that well…

Sam’s bunny is in jail. Why am I not surprised…

Even Carly’s bunny looks better than my drawings…

A part-time firefighter bunny? Now that I gotta see…

Gibby Gibson, not wearing a shirt. Again. Oh, Gibby… He seems to have memorized the student handbook… Feels good to win a mini-legal battle, doesn’t it?

Another random bit from iCarly. “You guys got any lotion…” Pure awesomeness.

Freddie’s reply was something I was not expecting when I first saw the episode. And Sam’s comeback.

RICHARD WHITES IS MOVING TO SWITZERLAND!! YAY! Who is Richard Whites?

Oh, Richard Whites had locker 239. What’s the big deal?

Why does Gibby need the lotion for?

I ask the same thing, Gibby. What’s up with Locker 239?

Turns out that locker 239 is huge. And it has a view… I’m switching to Ridgeway.

The rules are made to follow, but the rules’ flaws are made to be exploited. Gibby knows it all…

– Scene cuts to the Shay’s apartment –

“Hey, adulto.” I guess you don’t hear that every day…

Spencer fixed the printer. It’s SURE to be working.

I just noticed the brand of the printer. Cash-io. I had a Cash-io printer once, but it was confiscated by the cops…

Setting things on fire wirelessly. The dream of every pyromaniac… I think.

“You didn’t go into my room, did you?” What’s so special about your room, Spencer?

Spencer’s face when Carly shows him her bunny is priceless…

Let me get this straight. Carly’s drawing is bad and shows she doesn’t have artistic potential. And still it can be better than mine…

Again with the part-time volunteer firefighter bunny.

– Scene cuts to school –

We finally get to see it. Locker 239. It fits the description. It is HUGE.

Just standing next to it makes Sam feel like a princess? But she doesn’t act like one…

“We could fit a body in there.” C’mon, Sam, you know better than that…

Uh, one note to Principal Franklin, You test the microphone by saying “1, 2, 3, testing.” Just thought you should know.

“Fat cakes, YEAH.” One memorable phrase by Samantha Puckett, I mean Sam. Yeah, Sam… *looks at his back*

Gibby’s question was a valid one. Although it was stupid…

Sam knows her fat cakes.

Gibby’s method is innovative. Maybe he’ll win the locker by guessing the right number, without making a random guess like, I don’t know, 5.

– Scene cuts to the Shay’s apartment, again –

Spencer is hopping. Why is he hopping?

What, draw at 2:30 AM? I’m up for it!

That is quite a story Spencer told.

It’s big, sticky and green! My guess: SLIME!

The history of yellow. Sounds like a title for a book. Written by the Beatles… No offence intended for Beatles fans. I am one myself.

What? Gibby lost? THIS CONTEST IS RIGGED!!

Freddie won. Good for him. 2718 fat cakes. He sure did show that blonde-headed dem…

What? Another student?

Sam won too? Hmm. This could have some potential Seddie in it…

– Scene cuts to the Shay’s apartment, yet again. –

“Put that spatula next to that spatula.” All I can see is spatulas! Which one is the right one?

“You think I’m a terrible person…” That’s not true, Spencer. She only thinks you’re a terrible teacher. There is a difference, you know…

All those spatulas… gone with the wind…

– After the commercial break, the scene returns to the Shay’s apartment. –

Spencer is sculpting his feelings? They’re brown?

So many things about the ball peen bracket (I don’t know if that’s the correct spelling.)

“When did you turn into my wife?” That was unexpected…

Carly’s taking art lessons at the community center? *Le Gasp*

Holy chiz! Spencer’s bunny is terrific!

– Scene cuts to Ridgeway. Locker 239 –

Sam is playing a Guitar Hero-like game on their locker. And she’s rocking!!

“When did you turn into my wife?” Here is that sentence again…

Now, I know I took an oath to leave a Seddie views aside while reviewing these episodes (what? There is no oath? THAT HOBO LIED TO ME!!), but there is no way I’m letting this slide.

Take a look at this:

Sam considers Freddie a tech-nerd. But she inserted the Random Dancing software into the locker without his help. That means that either she asked someone for help (and that’s hard for me to imagine) or she also knows about technology. One of these ideas is wrong. Discuss.

– Scene cuts to the Seattle Community Center –

Carly is taking art lessons.

Spencer, in an art class? What’s wrong here…

Four straight lines…

And then a fewd erupted… One that would culminate on the creation of the Seddie color.

– Scene cuts to surprise, surprise, the Shay’s apartment. –

They will never enter in the community center again.

Ms. Fielder is sorry and wants Spencer to teach her…

“Wanna make purple? Please.” History in the making.

– Scene cuts to locker 239 –

As proven before, Sam picks on guys she thinks are cute. *points to Freddie* Evidence A.

Sam’s mom is mentioned yet again. We’ll meet her real soon.

Freddie’s offer is quite generous…

Sam’s mom’s car just crashed through the school walls, leaving Freddie locker-less and without his 200 bucks. On the other hand, Freddie protects Sam from the car.

And if that wasn’t enough, Freddie gets blamed for the destruction…

And that’s it for my review for iMust Have Locker 239.

Until my next review, have your daily Seddie fix!

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