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iToe Fatcakes Review

The Year 2040

Kids, in Spring 2010 and thanks to your uncle, I saw your mother for the first time. Of course, I didn’t know at the time that she was going to be your mother.

Since then, I became addicted to the show she was in. It was a little show called iCarly. In the show, your mother played a young girl who was an internet sensation and had a love-hate relationship with your uncle Nathan’s character. I first noticed her when, in the show, she entered the Groovy Smoothie, which is sort of a bar, and your uncle Nathan was dancing with aunt Miranda, on-character, of course. Your mother looked sad and about to cry, and my brother, your uncle, said the 3 words that changed my perspective on the show. “She likes him.”

Ever since then, I went online and tried to find the episodes of the show she was on…

“Come on!! Come ON!!!”

I found them, but I also found something else… your mother was a musician and she had this song that left me speechless…

“They’re playing guitar with stars in their eyes on Broadway…”

Her song motivated me to want to come to California. I already wanted to come here, but not for that reason… but more on that later…

Eventually, I created a blog where I would comment on the episodes of the show. It grew in popularity… People liked it. Liked my comments. So I did more. And more. And people literally begged for more.

This is one of those reviews I made.

Welcome to the iToe FatCakes review. If you have not yet seen the episode, you’re most likely wondering about the weird title of this episode. If you have seen it, it makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?

I was thinking I could add a few more lines in this, but I don’t know what kind of lines I might add… so I’ll just start with the review.

»Scene 1 – iCarly webcast live«

A flying Gibby? That’s not safe! Gibbies are not meant to fly!! A Gibby’s natural habitat is in the water!

See? He wants to go to the water, even though there is none.

And while Sam and Carly drag this Gibby to a nearby pond or body of water, Freddie talks to the camera.

Kids, you see that blond girl? That’s your mother…

“And that’s it for iCarly!“ “That’s not it.” Huh? It’s not? What else could there be?

Sam has been clean for 10 whole days!! It’s a 10-day-niversary! I hate myself so much right now…

They invited the Mayor of Seattle! Who refused their invitation… So they invited the fake Mayor, Mayor Mustachio. And this one accepted.

He has a sash? It’s SO official!

Kids, I should tell you, the sash actually had “sash” written on it.

Sam goes 10 days as a good girl and gets a box of raisins… a bag of dog…

Stuff, he said stuff.

… and it’s still warm… and a movie directed by David Schwimmer. Also still warm.

Kids, I should explain. David Schwimmer was an actor who had a few troubles after making some stuff that was not well received by the public.

And a little treat from Carly. This is the thing Sam would kill to have. Probably…

Sam has obtained a ticket that is good for a VIP ticket to the Canadian Fat Cake Factory. They’re illegal in the States. And they’re better than the American Fat Cakes.

Kids, take her word for it. If you don’t, then take mine. I have tasted the Canadian Fat Cakes and I must say: they are unlike anything you might have tried. It tastes like an angel stole that recipe from God himself…

There is one thing. Spencer, we don’t need to know about your mayoral pants… or where they are tight…

»Title Credits«

»Scene 2 – Shay’s apartment«

Gibby is…

Kids, let me explain that. Gibby was a character from the TV show your mother was on. He had been a recurring character with the recurring joke of taking off his shirt. As he grew older, he stopped taking off his shirt. Back to the story.

… bringing a big suitcase with lots of stuff, because he’s going to Canada, which he thinks is not a country. It’s known as “America Junior.” And according to Barney Stinson, their money is a “joke” (to be read with a soft ‘j’)

And Carly has a date with a guy named Lance. Who has a car… By the way, having a car does not necessarily mean he can drive… But the real reason why Carly wants to date Lance is because she’s having withdrawal symptoms…

Boring…

»Shays’ bathroom«

Carly’s taking a nice long bath… with lots of foam… but no water whatsoever.

Kids, it was said I paid a lot of attention to the details on this show… you’ll find out why in a second.

She’s also watching TV! First “America’s Most Wanted” (I get the feeling this will be used in another episode), then “Twinjas” on the Dingo Channel…

Again, I need to explain this, kids. The Dingo Channel was a fictional TV channel that blatantly and shamelessly copied ideas from iCarly. They got socked. Hard. And by “socked”, I actually mean, “socked.” Sam beat the living fudge out of them with a butter sock.

…and Drake and Josh on Nick… Don’t need to explain the joke here, do I?

Yes, I do. Drake and Josh was a predecessor of sorts for iCarly. It was one of The President’s TV series. After she completed Drake and Josh, His Excellency The President Daniel Schneider asked her to star on his new show, iCarly.

She’s also watching “The [REDACTED] Van [REDACTED] Show”, starring [REDACTED] Van [REDACTED]. Again, do I need to explain the joke?

Kids, this time I won’t explain the joke. Google it. Since Google took over the world, searching is much easier with the new Google search app for your brains…

Anyway, Carly saw that lady insert her toe in the faucet and decided to do the same thing. Big mistake. Big laughs…

And see you naked? I know a couple of people who would pay to see that…

Kids, I wasn’t mistaken, but that came out so wrong…

»Scene 2 – Somewhere over the border«

Samantha Puckett has entered Heaven… or at least her vision of Heaven… the Canadian Fatcake Factory…

She looks like she has been hypnotized by all the Fatcakes…

Oh, the Fatcake event… we’ll get to that…

Another of Freddie’s Spanish rants… “Estados Unidos de Gibby…”

An angry Canadian? That’s a defiance of all logic! Canadian people are polite, say “please” and “thank you” and if you hit them by accident, THEY will apologize… I’m right, eh?

“Magicaller?”

Gibby, you should not have done that…

She needs to focus to eat the fatcake.

She even cries… But those are tears of deliciousness…

Meanwhile, Carly’s toe is still stuck in the faucet…

She is trying to pick up her phone through the room… by throwing stuff at her phone so that it would fall on the chair…

Remember when I said that there was no water on Carly’s bath? Here’s the evidence…

See? Dry as a… a… a dry thing… I should start using Milhouse on these too…

Kids, you know Milhouse, so I’ll move on.

She catches her phone, but the phone decides to go for a swim.

“There’s no app for that…”

»Scene 3: Border checkpoint«

Sam just wants to go home… but they have to be examinated by the border guards.

“I know you have a crush on me.”
“What?”
“Nothing…” Spencer, subtle.

Gibby wants to know if Idaho could be its own country… It could, but would probably cause another Civil War. And war is bad…

Wise words, kids. War is bad. WW3 began when the FBI decided to shutdown Megaupload…

Canadian fatcakes? Gibby smuggled one?

Sam is smuggling fatcakes? Oh, she’s bad…

»Commercial break«

Okay, how did Sam manage to carry so many fatcakes? Seriously, that’s like, a lot!

According to the moustached cop, that’s at least 25 kilos. Google tells me it’s 55.1155655 pounds.

Gibby’s giving a dog some juice.

“Dogs really like you.”
“Yeah, dogs and girls with low self-esteem…”

Spencer’s an attorney? He was there for 3 days!

“I DEMAND that Miss Puckett be released on the grounds that… Section C…“

She’s being released…

Sam, don’t do that…

As they pass over the meddling border agent, he meddles with them, and only recognizes Gibby from iCarly, though Sam and Freddie and even Spencer are there…

“You know, I also write a blog about card tricks.” I guess that blog has less hits than… than… Milhouse’s blog! See? See what I did there?

The first president of the USA was, if I’m not mistaken, Abraham Simpson, I mean Lincoln.

Gibby actually thought it was Abraham Franklin…

»Carly’s bathroom«

Carly’s still stuck in the faucet.

And Mrs. Benson is ironing Freddie’s underwear… She hears Carly’s screams and goes to see what’s wrong…

Carly’s wrinkled like an elderly raisin…

“This day cannot get worse…” It just got… worse…

“You bathe in your sweatshirt too?” Mrs. Benson, there’s something very wrong with you.

“Am I hurting you?” No, she’s screaming because she feels like it…

Lance arrives. And Mrs. Benson jumps in to defend Carly… Not that long ago, she was beating her with Freddie’s underwear…

Way to disguise it, Carly…

»At the border…«

“I’d be in serious trouble if she had a parent who cared…” Pam should care about her daughter even if just a bit more…

Sam and Gibby hatched a plan? Awesome.

Gibby doesn’t like fame…

An Asian family took the bag Sam was in! Oh, this is bad…

Spencer, Freddie and Gibby are going back to the States, while Sam goes to God-knows-where…

»Back at the bathroom«

Carly and Lance are on an unusual date. They’re eating Chinese food while Carly is in the bath…

“Your sister’s 18 and she doesn’t have a driver’s license?” What’s wrong with that? I only got my license when I was 21.

And they kiss…

“Just yell if I hit bone!”

And Sam is in Malaysia? How’s she gonna get home? HOW??

All in all, it was a funny episode…

And that pretty much concludes this review…

Have a nice weekend, and keep watching the skies…

The evidence of alien life was brought to light 3 days after I posted this. It was all over the news, all over the world… And yes, I know it’s not related in the slightest, but I really wanted to say that.

Your mother eventually read these, and she laughed her butt off. I knew she was going to be my wife when she laughed…

And now, I’m sleepy. Maybe another day, I’ll tell you the story of how I met your mother…

iBalls review – in 3D!!!!!

Good evening. Due to the 3D effects in this week’s iCarly episode… this review is best read when wearing 3D goggles. Any kind of goggles will do, except those will red and cyan lenses. Those will do absolutely nothing and you’ll look ridiculous in them… Also, we have to censor our own reviews due to Mrs. Benson’s complaining and to show you what this blog would look like if SOPA passed.

So, without further ado, enjoy this week’s review.

»Scene 1 – iCarly webshow is live«

Drama in iCarly? That’s a concept that’s simply unimaginable!

And so, baby Spencer will go to bed… I always wondered how Jerry fits in that cradle…

And who are these news guys? One’s holding a mike and the other a camera… Uhh, mystery…

Brush a baby’s teeth with ketchup?

OH!! Those guys are from Hollywood! It’s about time iCarly got some screentime on the silver screen…

“And we are transparent… Clear.”

The lady from Hollywood Download wants to interview the kids… But first, Spencer. Spencer, however, has other plans… meeting a girl at, you guessed it, [REDACTED]. But the girl is a social worker, she’ll wait for him…

Gibby wants some lipgloss, I don’t know what for, but he does…

Meanwhile, Spencer is introduced to the concept of Personal Assistance…

Freddie wanted to be interviewed as well… But he only counts backwards from 5 and he doesn’t say 1, so… no need for that…

Freddie is redirected to Dudley, the camera guy…

Dudley, don’t complain about your life… Really…

»»Title Credits««

»Scene 2 – [REDACTED]‘s men’s room«

My guess is that Spencer’s talking to Socko about a cousin of Socko’s who runs an employment agency… Any guesses on the name?

I’m not sure what to write here… I get the feeling there’s supposed to be a double entendre on the word “clams”, but I’m not sure what…

‘Foap’? Come on, guy whose name don’t know yet…

That guy is trying to tell Spencer he can hire him… But Spencer’s blind, at least sometimes…

Marty who? The only thing that’s missing is a crazy scientist with white hair, and the classic “What the [REDACTED] is that?”… Oh, and the DeLorean, but it’s still in the shop

And Spencer’s neck gets shaved…

»Scene 3 – Shays’ apartment«

Spencer’s watching TV and Freddie’s bummed at the kitchen table…

Aw, Sam… Don’t say stuff like that to your ex and future boyfriend… Huh? See what I did there?

“Can we get a monkey to work the camera?” Again, Sam?

Marty actually resembles the Michael J. Fox… Also, he looks like Harry [REDACTED]…

“We met in a men’s room…”

I could walk the Earth for 1000 years, and still I would not find the words that could go in here… Luckily, I don’t have to.

Carly’s face says it all.

Grandpa Shay is having a foot surgery? That’s too bad…

Carly’s going to Yakima? That gives Seddie a chance…

A [REDACTED] toilet seat? Oh, come on. And “think of me when you’re using it…”? Indescribable… And this time there’s no image…

“Baggles…”

Look how happy he gets when Sam says “whatevs…” That’s Seddie for you, people…

“Have Baggles standing by…”

»Scene 4 – Sam and Freddie are in the studio«

The “Fredbot 3000”? That’s like, SO lame…

Mrs. Benson brings in an audience because Freddie will be co-hosting the show… She even brings in her doctor.

The doctor’s daughter has a vision problem, called “bilateral optic stenosis”. It’s optic, therefore relates to vision… And if you’re curious enough to look it up on Google, let me save a few moments of your time and tell you this condition is fictional.

“Hey, I have that too!” Gibby, being nice to the ladies…

As the audience sits down, the Gibster gets the camera to start the show…

The first time Freddie tries to co-host iCarly, things go wrong…

Sam admits the sketch was not her idea…

“Robots don’t eat pancakes.” That might just have been the VERY WORST script I’ve ever seen…  And the “I have bugs” bit, utter fail… Even Courtney (love that name, BTW) hated this sketch. Worse than that, even Mrs. Benson disapproves it…

When I thought he couldn’t sink lower, he “reboots”… And again, Courtney (STILL love that name) still disapproves of this sketch…

And Sam hurts Freddie’s feelings…

Baggles is standing by… and he “yogurts” from his nose…

»Commercial Break«

»Scene 5 – Shay’s apartment«

Freddie’s depressed…

Everyone’s talking about Baggles. I get the feeling they’ll use Baggles again in the next season , where iCarly will reach its 100th episode!!! [REDACTED] [REDACTED!!]

“I also really liked unfunny robot…” Spencer, what a thing to have done…

Spencer’s bank is called Banco Loco. If I had a comment about this, I would have said it by now…

Spencer has low balance. He mistook the decimal point for a zero… Spencer, here’s my advice: talk to Isaac.

Sam is trying to cheer Freddie up by saying that tech stuff can be creative. Well, she’s right! Just look at the stuff I make. Both the Webicon Passes and the Troubled Waters Wristbands are evidence of this!


Look at Sam… Jennette looks SO cute when she doesn’t know what to say…

Spencer, did you just say you were riding your assistant? Because people may take that in the wrong way…

»Scene 6 – Special Webcast, to showoff Freddie’s techie 3D chiz«

Sam and Gibby are hosting the special edition of iCarly, the first iCarly to be broadcast in 3D!! I get the feeling there will be some hilarious consequences…

Spencer is being “spooned?” Oh, God… This guy comes up with the best lines… and the ones with the best sexual innuendo… All the while, Marty gives him a pedicure…

“Special 3D effects by iCarly technical producer Fredward Benson.”

This scene, when watched in 3D, will make all fangirls go, “WOOT!!!”

After the show, the kids go downstairs, where Spencer is already showing some signs of vision instability…

High-five with Freddie’s head…

It also shows that Marty didn’t watch iCarly… If he had, his eyes would be off, like Spencer’s…

“…and a bottle of Dr. Gibbs.”

Marty’s “OH MY GOD!!” is very well delivered…

Spencer’s vision out of whack…

“Let’s go bathe in the glory…” I bathed in glory once… It was so soothing…

On the Groovy Smoothie, everyone’s eyes are having problems…

Cleverly, Freddie sorts out the origin of the problems. Their 3D webcast…

Freddie gets depressed, even more than he was previously…

While Sam checks the comments on iCarly.com, Spencer discusses the terms of a lease with the guy from Hollywood Download. All of this to maintain Marty as his assistant…

But Marty quits… And Spencer no longer needs to rent half of his room…

But then, at the door, are Dr. Scholl and his daughter, Courtney Scholl.

Freddie cured a young girl’s fictional vision problem?

“You’ll help cure tens of people…”

“I’d say it takes a super creative dude to invent a new technology that turns goggly-eyed freaks into pretty young girls…” It does…

Marty has gathered his things and he’s about to leave…

Time for a montage… It’s gonna be hard on them… They even frosted a cake together…

Carly returns, but nobody cares…

My take on the episode: We finally know what episode didn’t have Carly in it… And, it did give us a bigger chance of Seddie scenes… But, overall, it was awesome.

We’ll be back soon with the reviews for iToe Fat Cakes and iBloop 2. So, don’t touch that mouse or keyboard! Nah, go ahead and touch them, it might take a while…

iMeet The First Lady Review

“I got a pocket got a pocketful of sunshine, I got a love and i know that it’s all mine oh oh oh oh…” *sees camera* Oh, sh*bleep*…

First of all, I’d like to apologize for a few things. First, this embarrassing scene you just witnessed. Second, the delay in the iBloop 2 and iBalls. There have been some complications of the creative nature and others. Now that is dealt with, welcome to the iMeet The First Lady review!

As the name states, the First Lady Michelle Obama will guest star as herself. Seriously, who’s next, the Pope?

»Scene 1: The Shays’ apartment«

Carly and Freddie are holding up a banner saying “Welcome Home, Dad”.

I don’t know if you guys ever saw the Simpsons Movie, but if you have, I’d like to direct your attention to a specific part of it. When Itchy is in the White House, and Scratchy calls, from the moon, and holds a placard saying “I’m telling.” The sound there totally applies here…

Sam is tying a balloon to Freddie’s phone, which she took from him without him noticing… And they are made of incredibly low quality materials…

After this, Gibby enters. By now, Word should recognize Gibby as a word…

Aww, a family reunion…

Gibby, I think we already established that 2 seasons ago… Spencer is Carly’s BROTHER!!

“You deserved that.” He totally did.

Wait… Spencer suited up?

Lawyers don’t run… Unless you’re Marshall Ericksen.

Spencer set an icecream truck on fire? I didn’t think it was possible…

Spencer, I think you would have learned by now. You and electronics of any kind DO NOT MATCH!!

»Scene 2 – Shays’ apartment«

Sam and Freddie just entered…

Oh, Spencer’s puppy dog eyes… It won’t work…

Ms. Carly Shay’s timing is amazing!!

“Junior fighter Carly Shay?”

Spencer sends the kids running, and calls them weenies.

“Some people are just born with the Weenie gene.” Oh, is it like the ATA gene, that allows Tau’ri to control Ancient, or Lantean, technology? Don’t know what I’m talking about? It’s Stargate, look it up.

“Carly, sometimes in life…” “I know, a man and a woman fall in love and they get special feelings…” Okay, I’m gonna stop you right there, because that’s not what Spencer wants to say.

Spencer looks kind of disgusted…

Unfortunately Coronel Steven Shay can’t come home right now…

»Scene 3 – Prepping the iCarly studio for a live webcast«

Gibby’s true identity revealed? No, that Japanese guy is called Don.

“See ya at the club.” “Later, Gib.”

Carly’s still upset that her dad’s not coming home for his birthday…

“She won’t be upset when… SHUT UP, SHE’S WALKING IN!!” Smooth, Gibby, smooth…

Starting the webcast.

Carly’s visibly upset, and that’s impacting the show in a negative way…

Okay, Sam just revealed that they have a surprise for Carly.

A Birthday iParty? How does that work?

A live webchat to a secure USAF base… Let’s see Freddie break some state and federal laws.

And this looks like Skype, doesn’t it?

But the image is scrambled due to the nature of the secure connection…

“Hey, dad!” “I’m a lawyer!” No, you’re not, Spencer…

Here’s a question: why does it spell “Colonel” when you CLEARLY read Coronel?

Carly’s a snug bug…

A small chat over the Internet with their dad. Almost feels like he’s there…

“Okay, Colonel Shay, get excited ‘cause it’s time for…“ a song, a plane-shaped cake and the American flag!

“Happy birthday Colonel Shay.
Today’s the day that you were born.
We wish that you could be here with us
‘Cause if you were, we would give you a hug.
We bought a cake-shaped fighter plane
And… paid for with your credit card!

When Spencer “lights the candles”, Freddie’s already out of the splash zone…

“Nice work, Spencer…”

A few heartfelt words from the youngest Shay… I honestly thought she was going to cry…

Now, a word of advice from a world-renowned scientist: me.

Whenever there is a substance that has found its way to the highest point of a division, say, a ceiling, never, EVER, under any circumstances, ask the location of the substance. Those who do are fated to have the substance fall on their face.

»Scene 4 – 8th floor hallway«

The iCarlies have just arrived from school, I guess. They are carrying backpacks…

A group hug… Ready the “Aw…” machine, Phoebe… Fire! Aw…

Wait, 3 guys in suits… It finally happened! Barney Stinson has moved to Seattle! Or someone reads his blog…

These 3 guys are government-brand bouncers… but I think they wear black ties…

Oh, boy… you guys are in trouble…

»Commercial break«

What are the bouncers looking for?

“Your recent iCarly webcast caught the attention of someone very high up in the US government…” That’s good, right? The more people watch iCarly, the more people will like it and refer it to their friends.

Any more trouble?

“Don’t leave town…” I get that a lot… Not really, but still…

»Scene 5 – Rigdeway high«

Carly and Freddie are always looking over their shoulders…

I must admit, I love Sam in that hair… I love Jennette in any hairdo, but I really like her with that hair on…

She got wigs? Why? And passports? What are you planning, Puckett?

She wants to go to Amsterdam? Personally, I think Panama would be best… no extraditation agreements. How do I know this? WAY too much Prison Break.

Ahh! The government-brand bouncers are back!!

Am I supposed to be surprised that Sam knows this procedure by heart?

»Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…«

As the bouncers arrive at Bushwell Plaza’s 8th floor, the kids get scared…

“We’re just simple children of the internet…”

18 engagement rings? It’s Pam, I shouldn’t be surprised, but STILL…

Someone high in the US government hierarchy. Even higher than the President… I guess that proves that behind a great man, there’s always a great woman… Phoebe’s behind me, she made me write this.

It’s… It’s the… It’s the First Lady of the United States of America! *fake surprise gasp* I never even saw that coming!

Spencer is describing to the First Lady the events of iScream in Holloween…

“My mom voted for your husband…”

It’s amazing how out-of-tune T-Bo is… He sees the First Lady and all he does is try to flirt with her…

Oh, he just saw who she is…

“Your Excellency…”
“You don’t call her your excellency…”
“No, no, I kinda like it.”

“Her husband is the President…” Really, Spencer?

Who’s the lady on the right? I think I’ve seen her before…

Did Sam just interrupt the First Lady?

Samantha Puckett has problems with authority…

And T-Bo interrupts again. By now, the real Secret Service agents aka the government-brand bouncers would have kicked T-Bo’s butt to next year.

Now, I know that the First Lady Michelle Obama is not a professional actress, but this reaction is just, well, not good.

»iCarly webcast, upstairs«

The First Lady of the United States of America is playing a game which is hard to play, and the rules are not clear…

3 points for Mrs. Obama.

Of course, even iCarly advertises.

Now’s the time for a nice surprise… Some say that he has some terrible plans involving the moon, and where ever you are in the world if you tune your radios to 88.4 FM, you can actually hear his thoughts. All we know is, he’s Dan Schneider.

Dan’s first iCarly cameo. It’s ‘bout time he made one.

Random Presidential Dancing!! Even Dan joins in!

This episode was very funny, Dan’s cameo was unexpected… And the epic First Lady part was awesome.

But, this review has some political implications. And here it is:

In Soviet Union, review reads you.

Have a good night.

iStill Psycho review

I’m bringing reviews back, you other reviewers don’t know how to write…

The following review is sponsored by the good people over at Review Sponsorers.

Here’s to a new year, filled with iCarly, Seddie, and hot chicks!

Now, this episode is called iStill Psycho.

»Scene 1 – iCarly studio – Live«

Miss Idiot Farm Girl has a bag of peanuts for the moustache of the Cowboy. And she thinks that the Cowboy’s moustache is a squirrel… I wonder where I’ve seen that… But truth is, that is one of the segments that the fans love the most.

And who’s this guy Spencer’s trying to portray?

It’s the Idiot Farm Girl’s Brother! And he hits the Cowboy’s moustache… That has got to hurt.

Writer’s block. Happens to the best of us, but it shouldn’t.

And the show ends with a crash…

The gang got demselves an ae-mail… From Olympia? If my geography is correct, it’s in Washington…

“To Carly Shay, Samantha Puckett, Fredward Benson and Orenthal Gibson”. So Gibby’s full name is Orenthal Cornelius “Gibby” Gibson…

So basically, the gang will be allowed to express their opinion on Nora’s case… You should be grateful, kids. Uncle Sam doesn’t often grant this opportunity to the citizens of the US. And I think that because of this, all international airports will be on the lookout for me to stop me from going to the States.

And Sam proceeds to hurt Freddie to get the pudding. All is write with the world…

»Title Credits»

»Scene 2 –Shays’ living room«

True to his word, Spencer is soaking his feet in milk…

They have to go to Olympia and make sure that crazy… Oh look! Phoebe, come here! I live here for about 2 years and I never noticed that through this window, we could see the beach… *looks at camera suggestively* See what I did there?

Sam’s up to letting Nora go, and Freddie’s defending her… Can I get a “Aw”?

Again, the cast of “Full House” is mentioned… That’s a total of a few times. I think we’re gonna get a guest star from a cast member of that show.

And out comes T-Bo… And he’s… Oh, Dan, I never thought you’d give me the chance to say this here but, T-Bo’s suiting up!!

Mr. Orenthal has arrived…

A Gibby, holding a Gibby? I feel a paradox trying to happen…

And we get another of Freddie’s Spanish rants.

Gibby did a diaper commercial? Fangirls, attack!

Gibby’s forgiving… and he likes Chinese food…

“I love that new head smell…”

»Scene 3 – Same location«

Spencer has a woman in his house… And she sounds British…

Dog toothpaste? I admit, his logic is somewhat reasonable, but come on!

Darn, Spencer’s pre-make-out talk is amazing… I should use that…

T-Bo, I bought a box of sense of opportunity last year, but I think you should take it…

Oh, her name is Cassie… Europe wrote a song about a girl named Cassie.

Yeah, T-Bo, it’s dog toothpaste…

»Scene 4 – Washington State Women’s Penitentiary«

The building seems kinda big for a jail…

There’s a court hearing to decide Nora’s fate. She will either be released or will rot in her cell…

Nora goes into victim mode with this tear-inducing speech about how sorry she is and how she deserves to be locked up…

And Gibby pulls out his fake head.

There are so many things about this speech that can be said… But I recall none.

Good choice of words, judge. “A choice to speak.” The key word here being ‘choice’.

Wha?? It’s not Carlyish to give up so soon, Carly!

»»End of ACT ONE««

»»ACT TWO««

»Scene 5 – Same location«

“Nora Dirschlitt, trapping the stars of a webshow in your basement is a serious crime.” And as stated in the Penal, I mean, Criminal Law, such crime is punished by being away for a number of episodes.

Nora has been released, and her parents have a Special Norwegian supper for her. And her father wants to go camping alone, that night. That’s parenting, kids…

Is it me, or does Nora have a cold?

Carly, the thing that sets you apart from the pack is the your ability to be turned around by just a few words…

And Sam stole the guard’s taser…

»Scene 6 – Shay’s apartment«

Cassie got Spencer a new game…

And again T-Bo interrupts Spencer’s attempt at making out.

Mahjong?

Mrs. Benson has to go to her sister’s because she had a problem with a shampoo she was allergic to…

Spencer, sometimes you can be SO thick-headed…

»Scene 7 – Nora’s house«

“This is where I belong, back in the bosom of my youth…”
“’Bosom’.”
“I know.”

Norwegian foods… That includes a bunch of stuff which name I really can’t pronounce…

»Meanwhile, at the Bensons’ living room«

Spencer, T-Bo and Cassie are playing a zombie game…

… and then Mrs. Benson shows up.

“Ryan Seacrest!”

Please note that Mrs. Benson has pictures of little Freddie, and by little Freddie, I mean little Nathan. I shall post them if and only if Nathan Kress allows me to.

Publish photos if Nathan allows.

»Meanwhile, in Nora’s house…«

Freddie asks about the cream and it is revealed to be made from pig’s milk… Bad move, Benson…

Spencer arrives and really has to go to the bathroom.

“Well, Nora, thanks so much for the awesome Norwegian supper.”
“Yeah, I guess I’ve had worse dinners…” I wonder what this look means…

So, quite basically, Nora and her mom set the kids up…

“Wheel of Spencer!” I wanna play it! I wonder what are the prizes…

»»End of ACT TWO««

»»ACT THREE««

»Scene 8 – Nora’s house«

Spencer is still spinning…

…and now he’s not.

“You’re a nut case!”
“The proper term is ‘disturbed lonely sociopath’”.

And there’s another chicken…

So, a not-so-Sweet-16 party is the cause for all of this?

There are more party guests?

Sam must apologize to a chicken…

Oh, Gibby… Sometimes I worry for your health…

What’s up with the Autons? Are they controlled by the Nestene Consciousness?

A party that lasts forever… Tempting, very tempting… Even more so if there are girls there… hot, preferably.

She put on a song! Oh, she’s evil…

»Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…«

Nora’s texting Freddie’s mom and removing all traces of the gangs’ phones…

The return of the ButterSock…

Gibby’s idiotic suggestion spawns an idea… And I get more worried about his health…

Sending a Gibby up the chimney? Will that work?

Nora and her mom bring the cake and Nora kisses Freddie… I just wonder why didn’t Sam buttersock her…

»Meanwhile, at the Benson home«

Mrs. Benson is kicking T-Bo out.

Freddie’s male role model is Tony Danza?

Teebs just had an idea… Wait for it… He can’t be kicked out! He still has the lease.

And a restraining order that prevents him to be within 100 yards from Portia Sweet… I never understood how those worked…

And the lease is no longer valid, due to it being shredded.

»Meanwhile, in Nora’s house…«

Nora is kissing Freddie, and Sam and Carly are eating cake…

“It’s really good cake…”

And Gibby finally climbed the chimney and proved me wrong. But he’s stuck.

Gibby’s napping, but people don’t get their head pulled out when they nap…

“Where is the real Gibby?” Well, did you check under the sink? I mean, a Gibby’s not hard to find…

“Here, Gibby, Gibby, Gibby…”

»»End of ACT THREE««

»»ACT FOUR««

Some time has passed, as is indicated by the sunlight and the sprinklers…

The gang is asleep… but when Carly wakes up she breaks the arm of an Auton…

“Sam, Sam, Sam…” No response. “Fried chicken” Sam jolts awake. Carly has taken a page from my mom’s book….

“Aw, look at Freddie…” Carly, don’t!

“Boys are just so cute when they’re asleep…” I wonder if… nah…

And Sam wakes him up… If you place your Seddie Goggles in your eyes, you’ll notice this: Carly said Freddie is cute when he’s asleep, so Sam wakes him up so that Carly won’t think that he’s cute… Got it? *classic understanding “Ah!” *

If you saw Inception, you’ll know that Sam just administered Freddie a kick. If you didn’t, watch it. It’s a freaking good movie!

And Freddie was dreaming of the show, as exemplified by the “5, 4, 3, 2, what happened?”

Have faith in Gibby. That’s friendship at work… Or something else…

While this happens, a Gibby is stuck in the chimney. And he snores…

There’s something about Nora that reminds me of GLaDOS from the Portal video game series. Yeah, the same one that hacked my blog last year.

“… that will go on forever, and ever, and ever, and ever…” This reminds me of 2 things: first, the movie The Mummy, starring Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz, when the people are saying “Imhotep, Imhotep, Imhotep…” The other is the moment from Date Movie where all the characters are all having dinner and all of a sudden burst into song saying “…and he loves you, forever and ever you’ll never break-up, divorce will cost you… ” Yeah, I watch a lot of movies, maybe I should become a movie critic…

The Gibster has his own fanbase!

And Spencer keeps spinning, spinning…

Thanks to Sam’s misdirection, the gang gets a few moments alone…

“The chip!” He reacts quite naturally to the chip. If my mom did that to me, I’d ask to be emancipated… like he once did. Emancipate means to divorce one’s parents.

Samantha Joy Puckett, you always have a trick on your sleeve.

“Carly cares about me.” Does she now?

»Meanwhile, at the Benson home«

Mrs. Benson is cleaning the couch. An average Tuesday…

T-Bo shows up to return the key, and while he’s talking to her, the distress signal is received by the receiver. (DUH!)

But he must get the Jamaican shampoo bottle first, man…

»Meanwhile, in Nora’s house…«

Pin the tail?

And the “forever, and ever, and ever, and ever…” starts again… this time to be interrupted by T-Bo and Mrs. Benson on a motorcycle.

“Freddie!”
“Mom?”
“T-Bo?”
“Chicken?”

Dayum, Sam has some moves!!

T-Bo kicks the door open and Carly goes downstairs to free her brother…

Freddie protects Sam from Nora and Nora’s mom’s fire irons… And Mrs. Benson remembers her days as a Fencin’ Benson…

Now, for a fight sequence that will surely be extended on the DVD version!

The fight is now over. Sam knocks the Dirshlitts with the almighty shock pen. And Spencer throws up on Carly’s shoulder.

Mrs. Benson has kicked T-Bo out but she’s kicking him back in. Ah, the status quo…

Obedient chicken… only on iCarly…

 

Now, Nora, how does it feel to be on the receiving end of the “’Forever and ever and ever’ repeated ad nauseam”?

»Scene 9 – Shays apartment«

Spencer is watching a movie when he receives a phone call.

Apparently, the events with Nora qualify as news…

But, Carly wakes up screaming for Gibby… who is still on the chimney…

And this concludes the iStill Psycho review… All in all, it allowed us to have a good time and to start 2012 in a great mood…

Stay tuned for the next few weeks, when more iCarly episodes will hit your screens!

Until then, enjoy 2012! 2013 comes right after it.

Ten-hut!

At ease, soldiers.

We have received intel that the next iCarly episode will premiere on January 16th. This episode marks a special occasion, because the FLOTUS will be there, which means that every available soldier must ensure that the FLOTUS is safe. We were given 2 Secret Service agents to aid us.

The intel comes from our friends over at Nickutopia.com, so you know it’s good intel.

This is the intel that we received, and it’s need-to-know only:

If this intel leaves this briefing room, please give us credit.

Dismissed!

Looking back… How 2011 went.

The year of Our Lord 2011 is quickly approaching its ending, and 2012 will be here in a few days. First, I want to assure you that in 2012, you will NOT see the end of the world.

Next, a reminder, we will be having 2 NEW iCarly episodes coming up next week…

Now, as the year comes to an end, we shall look back to 2011 and see what happened this year that shall be remembered… Steven, please play the inspirational music, please.

In January, we got unofficial news, we found out about iOMG…

In February, we were introduced to Cort and Ashley, and finally, the Great iCarly Hunger of 2010 had come to an end. Also, we told the story of Jimmy, a young man who wanted to meet Jennette McCurdy.

In March, we pitied Nevel (some more than others) and we got the official confirmation that 310 existed and was called iOMG and that it would rock our worlds… Also, we got word that Jimmy finally met Jennette McCurdy. His dream had finally come true… Also, my blog was hacked by GLaDOS from Portal, so yeah, didn’t know that Aperture Science had knowledge of this blog.

On April 9th, there was a major earthquake all over the globe… The epicenter of this earthquake was located, well, on the location of the central servers for Twitter. Oh, man, you should have seen it… The world stared in awe and happiness as Seddie finally happened, without a word of warning or advice… That is, not to all of us… Our friends over at Bickering Sidekicks have their own moles, and they are good. Also in April, we traveled through time to the future and changed the future of iCarly (when it comes to airdates), were mentioned in a Canadian magazine (first America Junior, then America!) There were problems with the Other Side (pardon my Fringe-like speech), and problems with the Powers That Be, but everything worked out for the best…

The month of May went by without much of anything that mattered, except for a curious blog post on iCarly.com, in which Freddie answered questions…

The same thing happened with June, except that was the premiere of iParty With Victorious, which was correctly labeled as the “Ultimate Crossover Event”. We saw the first promo for iLost My Mind, the result of my time travel. Also, we welcomed BabelLeef into the team (we even had a party, I’ll post the pictures someday; no, we didn’t…). We posted our theory as to why is Sam in love with Freddie.

As for July, it only saw the the airing of the extended version of iParty With Victorious.

Now, August, that was a whole another story… August brought us the epicness that was iLost My Mind that officialized Seddie as a couple. Here are five words that will make every fangirl shiver. “I guess we’re both insane…” Also, there was another fanwork that caught the attention of the public. I’m talking, of course, about the Troubled Waters Mental Hospital wristbands! We also taught people how to look for micro-expressions… But not all was good in August… 2 amazing people left this occupation… SarcasticLeaves and LaneTea. They are still alive and are still fans of iCarly, but they stopped reviewing iCarly. They were 2 of the 3 people who inspired me to do this blog, and I have to thank them for the size it grew to. Thank you! Wish I can meet you someday!

September was, perhaps, after April and August, the best month for iCarly. It gave us the ENTIRE SEDDIE ARC!! Also, a community-based Seddie Mind Movie which I haven’t completed due to lack of time and awareness.

October gave us iQ, and we became host to a Secret Diary of a Seddie Shipper.

In November, nothing happened. Really, it seems that the world took vacations…

Now, in December, there’s 2 new iCarly episodes in the same week. I believe that is unprecedented…

My buddies, friends and faithful readers, we may be reaching the end of 2011, but this blog, to quote an old wise man, is “barely beginning.” So, prepare your glasses and join me, as we take a step forward into the new year, in which you will be able to read more reviews of mine and laugh until you’re on the ground having seizures.

See you on the new year!

Some say…

Some say that in his wallet, he keeps a picture… of his wallet; and that he’s illegal in 14 American states, and is not allowed to enter the other 36. All we know is that he brings us bagels and pretzels (I LOVE pretzels!) Oh, he’s Steve.

This time, Steve brought us something that I was actually grateful he brought, a piece of good news. He brought us a promo for iStill Psycho.

I wanted to show it to you guys, but it has been removed from YouTube…

For more info on this episode, check this blog post: http://t.co/R9ZhzuYq

EDIT: Thanks to @azn_Seddie, I got a link to the promo! Enjoy!

Disco Stu Will Review iQ

You said it, Stu!

This week’s iCarly episode, the first after the Seddie arc, is called iQ. FYI, my iQ is 110. At least, it was when I last applied for MENSA…

As you might know, Seddie broke up in the last episode, but then, there was something… So, I’ll analyze their interactions with each other.

Let the review begin!

The episode begins with the iCarly gang having fun on the Groovy Smoothie.

Carly and Sam are laughing at something Freddie doesn’t find very amusing…

Apparently, Freddie’s mom lost US$ 20,000 on chickens. Sorry, one chicken and one rooster. I am so glad he said “rooster”.

Breeding chickens is the easiest thing to do! You put them in the same chicken coot together, then you… like… turn the chicken coot lights down…

“I’m sorry your mom lost 20 thousand… bdoing.” ‘Bdoing’ can be understood as something else.

A guy who the girls consider hot just entered the GS. GS stands for Groovy Smoothie, not Gold and Silver.

She proceeds to talk to him and a very badly engineered play, the “Text in the Turned-Off Phone”.

Then we see this:

This is the first of many pics that I will share with you today. Seddiemania gave me the idea of watching every interaction between Sam and Freddie and analyze their microexpressions, body language, and stuff like that. Well here, I bring you the “It looks like I’m looking at Freddie but in reality I’m actually looking at Carly and see how she acts around this new guy” look. Certainly, it will get better.

Does this guy speak in code or something? Oh,he’s british… Wait, he’s british? *Chuckles* Fangirls, attack!

I think I can speak british too. Lift, taxi, apartment, colour, fish and chips, God save the Queen, fanny, harpoon!

Since most of you will not understand this new guy, due to him being super smart, I’ll translate what he says.

“Ah, Carly! The name of the comely vixen who assuages king Thurman`s cohort after the demise of his corpulent mother.”
This means “Carly, that’s the name of the woman who calmed king Thurman’s soldiers after his mother’s death.”

“iCarly? I think I’ve heard of it.” What, you don’t ‘ave Internet in London, mate?

“Teenage satire?” Can’t say I’ve ever heard that.

“You do teenage satire with a piquant wit?”
Translation: “You make fun of teenage stuff with a salty language.”

“You have nice eyes.”
“They say the eyes are the windows to the soul.”
“Well, I don’t have a boyfriend so, why don’t you open up a window?” That’s like the LAMEST line I’ve ever heard.

T-Bo is having some problems with a guy in a suit. Oh, a health inspector. How’s he bothering you, Teebs?

T-Bo’s been evicted! Where’s he gonna live?

The guy Carly’s after is named Kyle.

He just said something, but all I heard was “I haven’t watched iCarly yet, but, when I get home… website…”

“You know, I haven`t seen iCarly yet, but when I get home tonight, I plan to ingurgitate your website voraciously.”
Translation: “I haven’t seen iCarly yet, but when I get home tonight, I plan to gulp your website.”

»Title Credits«

»Scene 1: Bushwell Plaza, Shay loft«

Spencer’s cracking a safe. I should try that one day…

I used to do that in The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. One of the best games I’ve ever played.

The junkyard. We really should see that.

T-Bo slept in a pond?

Whoa, that’s a big fork.

“We like it when your mom cries.” Oh, Sammy…

Then, the impossible happens. Spencer has a great idea. Mrs. Benson can rent the room to T-Bo.

Carly’s got a text on her phone.

This is a real question, to which I want a real answer: Do girls really take about 4 hours to get ready?

It’s like the old saying goes: If at first you don’t succeed in opening the safe, you cut it with a chainsaw.

»Scene 2: Premiere Theater«

It’s the Premiere Theater! Dan must have flown it from San Diego!

Carly and Kyle went watching a foreign movie, I’m sorry, a film called “Ick Glokmah” which is foreign for Foreign Film. Yeah, I can speak foreign.

Unfortunately, my foreign skills aren’t too good, so I can’t understand what the people in that film are saying.

“Great film!”
“You enjoyed the first half?” What is this a soccer game?

“This is an intermission. There’s 2 more hours to go.” Kyle, a word of advice, if I may. Say “break.”

You gotta love the boy’s enthusiasm. Look at it:

Carly has a lot of je-ne-sais-quoi. I don’t think she knows what that is…

“I like you… categorically.” Okay, how should I translate this… I actually don’t know!

Kyle had an obtuse ex-girlfriend who didn’t have the mental ability to enjoy a foreign film called “Foreign Film”. I think it’s better than that movie with the goat and the balloon…

“Oh, you are jocular!” She is, isn’t she? *whispers to Phoebe and Steve* What does jocular mean?

“I’ll fetch us a beverage from the concessionary.”
Translation: “I’ll get us some drinks from the lobby.”

Carly was too distracted with what he said she didn’t notice him leaning in to kiss her.

“Aw…” and reality kicks in. “2 more hours?”

»Meanwhile, at the Groovy Smoothie«

Sam and Freddie just gave the news to T-Bo that his wife’s having a baby. Just kidding. They just told him that Mrs. Benson has a spare bedroom that’s for rent.

You’d think it’d be awkward Sam and Freddie hanging out alone without Carly. Nope, we ALL thought that.

Here’s Gibby. I don’t recall seeing him again in this episode…

They need to change T-Bo into Mr. Terrence Bo. Hard task.

»Scene 4: Shay apartment«

Spencer’s STILL trying to open the safe. He’s not having that much luck. While Carly arrives home with Kyle in tow. I’ve always wanted to say that…

The safe destroyed a chainsaw blade? Go, safe!

“You know, that safe is probably made of carbonized iron.” Saying ‘steel’ is too lame, corny, cliché, whatever. He said ‘carbonized iron’, which makes it better, even though they are exactly the same thing. Well, they aren’t the same thing, it depends on the level of carbon included in the iron…

It’s always about the molecular structure, isn’t it, Kyle?

Kyle, another word of advice. There’s being polite, and there’s making out with a girl. These aren’t mutually exclusive, but being too polite and making out with a girl are. Besides, you only stayed in for about 2 minutes.

Carly’s clear hint amazes me. But Kyle’s obliviousness amazes me even more. Yes, I said obliviousness. Yes, I know it doesn’t really apply here.

“The socio-political implications of the film we saw earlier.”
Translation: Unknown.

Kyle isn’t all you hoped for, eh, Carly?

“…and I need a pretty boyfriend!” *Clears throat to draw attention to himself then points at himself* Get the hint, Carly? I’m lonely and available.

“My nose is bleeding. Weird, huh?” Come on, Spencer, don’t you know the meaning of subtlety?

“Oh, all right, just make sure to tilt his head 15 degrees and maintain pressure on his septum so the blood coagulates.” That is actually good advice…

Now, who studies for a date?

»Intermission«

Hi, I’m RobSp1derp1g with and an important message for all iCarly fans.

All reviewers are professional fans. The reviews we write on the blog take years to perfect and do safely.

I urge all iCarly fans not to copy what we do here, at home or at school.

Stay safe. Don’t try this.

»Scene 5: iCarly Studio«

Carly’s studying for her date, Freddie’s preparing the webshow and Sam’s flirting with the big fork.

Freddie asks Sam to help him with a camera check. She denies. Then he asks Carly. She says she’s studying for a date. It’s not something you hear every day.

Learning about boring Russian films and Mandarin Chinese can be fun.

“Wo bu ja dao” Are you having a seizure, Carly?

Snowman Gibby reporting for duty. The amount of times I’ve written Gibby on Microsoft Word  is so big, Word should have looked it up.

Who said purple is out of style? We’re Seddiers, we have purple lenses in our eyes. And this is an example of such lenses:

Purple PearBook and PearPad. Sam and Freddie wearing red and blue. ‘Nuff said.

Sam has the idea of cheating on a date. It’s not as bad as it sounds.

“You’ll be as smart as the Internet.”
“The Internet is pretty smart.”

The iCarly webshow commences. With a big fork.

»Scene 6: Bushwell Plaza, Apartment 8C (It’s easier this way)«

Carly’s set up for her date with Google, I mean Kyle. And Spencer’s still trying to open the safe, this time with a blowtorch.

Notes about foreign language. Noted. (smart pun, huh?)

“I gotta keep my fork shiny and lubed in case a meal breaks out.” I get the shiny part, but lubed?

T-Bo arrives for his makeover with some baked artichokes on a stick. It wouldn’t be T-Bo if he didn’t.

“I’m already wearing my fancy underpants…” Huh, okay?

There is such a thing as date bread…

Carly, that’s a danger, leaving Spencer unsupervised while he plays with fire…

Before opening the door, Carly shakes herself.

“Do I detect the aroma of a mélange of epicurean delights?”
Translation: “Do I smell a mixture of pleasurable delights?”

“Ablute” meaning wash up. He wants to wash up

»Meanwhile, upstairs in the iCarly studio«

Sam, Freddie and Gibby take T-Bo to Overhaulin.

And T-Bo’s been Overhauled!

Did Gibby become a taylor?

»Meanwhile, downstairs«

Kyle and Carly are happily dining.

“Ambrosial” means extremely pleasant to the taste.

A note, Carly. If you want to point out random facts during dinner, make sure you know them beforehand.

You don’t know the statue’s name, do you?

Hard cut to…

»8th floor hallway«

Freddie and Terrence arrive at the Benson apartment for the interview.

We are shown the Benson’s living room. This is a unique opportunity to analyze it and get to know what’s beneath Mrs. Benson’s habits. We may never get this chance again. I don’t want to do it right now.

Terrence has lots of time, but he must be on church at 9 PM. He’s part of the choir. Seriously now, I used to go to church on a Saturday night. It allowed me to sleep in on Sundays…

»Meanwhile, next door…«

Carly knows something that Kyle doesn’t? It’s a sign of the apocalypse!! Call the fire department! The Earth’s gonna explode!!

Carly, how could you tape cheat notes to the bottom of your plate? Use the table, it’s easier…

I facepalmed when I saw this:

“Rusha”, “Square, all sides r equal”, 2+2, triangle. All of that for what?

He tries to leave, and she says “I don’t lie while I’m kissing!” Reminds me of an similar situation on American Pie…

All of this while Sam watches. Personally, I think that’s not well done.

»Scene 7«

Spencer’s attaching something to the safe, and Sam’s trying to get Carly to feel better. She even gives her her big fork back. Why? She got another, bigger fork.

T-Bo’s now the neighbor of Carly Shay.

Spencer attached C4 explosives to the safe? Courtesy of Boomer, Socko’s cousin.

And inside the safe is, another safe!! This one is easier to crack.

And that concludes my iQ review. Hope you guys liked it! Please comment.

iCan’t Take It review

I’m not sure of what I should write here….

This week’s episode is called iCan’t Take It. Let’s get on with this.

»Scene 1: Carly’s room«

Carly and Sam are fishing. In Carly’s coffee table.

Sam and Freddie’s relationship has going so well, Sam hasn’t hit Freddie once… at least in the face. I knew a girl like that once… Well, I still do. “She’s still alive…”

Remember the little blackboard on Carly’s room? It says “Have Spencer take lemonade stand to basement.” I wonder what kind of out-of-the-ordinary junk the Shays have in their basement.

Freddie just finished editing iCarly’s next fake movie trailer. I wonder what it is. Taking KC: TM, The Blowing and Moonlight Twi-blood into consideration, I can’t really make any guesses.

And lookie here:

It’s Drake Bell’s guitar! The one he won on a radio contest and was broken by Josh and Megan. Then Josh bought another one just like the one he broke and broke Drake’s favorite band’s lead guitarist’s hand! And then he got paid!

The movie’s name is “The Adventures of Super Bra!”

In a world of little girls and lemonade…

2 little girls are selling lemonade! And each cup is only 27 Euros! If you present a discount coupon , you’ll get a free rapper with it!

Why is the camera pointed mainly at Sam?

Amazing! The jar the steel pipe-wielding Spencer is holding contains REAL 5 Euro bills!

Carly pointed out that she’s happy about Seddie, but Carly wants some screen time… People, we’ve been sent a message by Dan.

Sam just insulted Gibby. Not a good sign… you know why? Look back at the beginning of Seddie. There, you have it.

Sam has grown, but she’s staying true to her core. She just hit Gibby with a bag full of food.

Newton’s Law of Something. For every action, there’s a bag of food being hurled at a Gibby.

»»Title Credits««

»Scene 2: Shays’ apartment«

Carly’s tending to Gibby after he was assaulted by a bag of food.

Gibby’s taking a nap on Carly’s bed and Seddie just left. Things do not look good for Carly Shay…

“Why did you push me back in?”
“I just saw my mom get off the elevator.”
“Oh, crab!” *Spencer gasps*
“I said ‘crabbb’.” *Spencer breathes deeply*

Recognize that? Yeah…

“You wanna see my mom burst into flames?” Hmm, I’ll get back to you later… Need to weigh the pros and cons. TOTALLY YES!

Tick bath, you STILL have those, kid?

You shouldn’t lie. Because after one lie, there’s always another lie, and another and before you know it, you’ll have a snowball full of lies… That’s the point of “Big Fat Liar.” No, wait, that wasn’t it! The point of Big Fat Liar was teaching kids how to pull pranks on a declining Hollywood producer…

You know, Carly, you can always invite yourself…

While Spencer is having a bad time trying to lie to Mrs. Benson, let me redirect your eyes to this image:

You know that girl on the cover of the magazine? I do. She’s called Amanda Bynes and starred in Big Fat Liar with the kid who’s now a racecar driver. Frankie Muniz. Thanks, Phoebe!

You really needed to kick the door, Spencer?

“That is the last lie I’m ever gonna tell.”
“Last, but not yeast.” Where did the cool puns go…

»Scene 3: Bushwell Plaza, 8th floor elevator«

Mrs. Benson is heading to her job when, in the elevator, she meets a masked man, who turns out to be Gibby.

Talking in a stopped elevator is easier with flashlights.

Gibby has pics of food on his Pear Pad…

I especially LOVE this image…

Let’s see how Mrs. Benson will react to the news that her son is dating Samantha.

First she gasps, then she shrieks, then she screams. I’m sure that by now, Gibby is deaf.

Again we are greeted with a visit by none other than Lisa Lillien, the Hungry Girl, DanWarp’s lovely wife.

Now, I really want to know what does paladium have to do with iCarly.

»Scene 4: Spencer’s bakery«

Spencer is… working on his bakery… Sorry, can’t say that with a straight face.

Oh, Freddie didn’t get into NERD camp. New Electronics Research and Development. NERD.

Remember this post: iTeach Micro-expressions on iCarly? Here’s a small test for you:

Now, I want you guys to tell me what is the emotion Sam is feeling.

Why does Gibby receive text messages from Glitter Gloss?
“’Cause I care about women’s issues, aye?”

Carly’s into Gibby… Evidence A:

Gibby just called Mrs. Benson…

… and here she comes…

… with 100 ounces of paladium. I think Tony Stark might make something out if this.

But what’s up with the palladium?

Mrs. Benson is paying her son 100k to stop dating Sam? Wow…

Of course he declines, he loves Sam. Though, if it were me, I would have found a way (heh) to keep both Sam and the bar of palladuim. What? I could use the money…

When he declines, she tears her own shirt apart. That woman has issues…

»Scene 5: iCarly studio«

I think that was the shortest episode of iCarly.

»»Commercial  Break««

»Scene 6: iCarly studio«

Carly’s quite bummed because she had to start and finish the show without Sam and Freddie.

“We bought you some taffy…”

“I’m propelling myself through the water!”

They’re actually saying Carly’s jealous?

*le gasp* Gibby was the one who ratted on Seddie? I never even saw that coming!

Then Sam goes berserk, and with a good reason…

When Spencer comes in to help, Sam kicks him in a place that should never be kicked.

»Scene 7: Shays’ apartment«

She broke your “breast bone”?

Does it bother you that much that Sam and Freddie are dating, Mrs. Benson?

Freddie’s mom is so evil…

»Scene 8: iCarly studio«

Carly and Gibby are on the studio, waiting for something… My insurance does not include shattered Gibbys.

It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No, it’s Banana Man!

Mrs. Benson has printed Freddie’s application form for NERD camp.

She wants to expose Sam! How evil!

Carly went to the kitchen’s computer to watch the whole thing, where Spencer’s bread is just about done… being burned to ashes.

She sabotaged his entrance to the NERD camp because he didn’t tell her the time?

And notice she’s wearing the remote necklace!

Now she’s going upstairs. This is getting a bit like American Pie. Don’t ask, kids, you’re not ready.

Gibby shields Carly from Mrs. Benson. “It’s wrong to interfere with young love.”

Did… did Carly just compare Sam to a chimp?

The inevitable make-up kiss. And Gibby’s song, just awesome.

Overall: I liked it very much. It was funny, had the right amount of Seddieness… I think I can say this. This episode was a perfect bake.

See you all next week!

iDate Sam and Freddie review

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today, to witness the dates between Sam and Freddie. If anyone has any reason why these two should not date, please speak now, or forever hold your peace. By the way, Creddieshippers don’t count.

This episode is the second one of the Seddie arc. After Sam announces her love for Freddie in iOMG, Freddie does the same thing in front of the whole web, which kind of mirrors iKiss. And now, Sam and Freddie are actually dating. This is a dream come true.

Also, there’s a HUGE guest star coming today. He’s a great guy with a big fanbase. You have my permission to be impressed. He’s a time traveler. You might know him under many names… He’s known as The Oncoming Storm on the world of Skaro. There are always people trying to kill him… You’ll see who he is, and you’ll be amazed.”

Booting up Review-maker-inator 2.0…

Review-maker-inator 2.0 ready.

So, allons-y!

»Location: Shay’s apartment«

Carly and Gibby arrive at the loft, and see this:

“The possibilities are limitless.” I feel I’ve heard this line somewhere else…

That lawn can be used for lots of purposes: playing, sitting, playing badmington, which Gibby does, apparently. Also, look at the stars. Heh, the stars, that’s where my guest… Oh, almost spoiled it…

“Wait ‘til Sam and Freddie see this.”
“Where are Sam and Freddie?”
“Prolly making out.”

Come on, Spencer, you wanted this. You saw it on the very beginning!

Spencer’s not too fond of PDAs. For those of you who don’t know, it stands for Public Displays of Affection.

There’s something creepy about this image. Can’t figure it out and don’t want to. I’m happier this way…

Gibby’s mesmerized about the lawn. It’s from Kentucky. It makes a difference.

Ze couple haz enterred! Sam is upset about something…

“You don’t live here.” When has Sam and/or Freddie EVER cared about that?

There’s something about Jennette when she walks towards Nathan that I simply can’t figure out. And I WANT to figure it out.

Wait, Sam and Freddie are mad because of a school teacher?

Freddie wrote a grade A paper, but only got a B? That’s just mean… But Sam pays him back. With lots of Bs… Ah, English language, how I love thee…

Carly’s acting as a mediator… I gets the feeling this is going to become a regular thing. See? It says so here:

“I’m sorry…”
“Give Mama some sugar.”

Carly only says “Aw”. We say “Aw” with her. And so do Spencer and Gibby.

BabelLeef:

Spencer, you didn’t make a lawn. You bought some turf and put it together… in your living room. It’s not quite the same as making it. Ha. You just got TOLD.

But yes, the possibilities are limitless. What can’t you do with a lawn? I’ll tell you. Can you summon a genie with it?… it depends.

I play Bad Mitten. I wasn’t picked for my school team, though. Something about bringing the wrong equipment?

“Wait ’till Sam and Freddie see this. I bet they love lawns.” More than they love eachother? ;)

SAM AND FREDDIE DO NOT KISS LIKE THAT. THEY KISS LIKE PRINCESSES! Well… awkward.

Kentucky Chubb grass. Chubb. Heh…

Oh, and here comes the scene that I myself had actually seen six times before the actual episode airs. Oh, Nick…

“Come on, baby, you wrote a good paper!” The line that killed thousands of fangirls WORLDWIDE.

He’s kissing her ear. Or is it her neck? HE’S KISSING HER NECK.

»Title Credits«

»iCarly studio«

Carly’s reading a book when Gibby enters.

Wait… Is… Is Gibby working out? In front of Carly? Le Cibby approaches…

Just noticed that Gibby’s hairstyle is a LOT similar to one of my guest’s previous incarnations’… Look:

Fredward Benson is keeping secrets from his own mother? How evil!

“Why?”
“’Cause she’d murder him!”
“Right. Murder’s so not cool!”

Gibby’s attempt at making conversation with Carly are better than my attempts… I have to improve that.

BabelLeef: Gibby flirting. I think Dan could do a lot with Cibby – it’s got the possibility to be really cute if it’s written right.

Ooooohhh, mention of the evil Mrs Benson. We’ll be seeing a lot of her in iCan’t Take It, in which she guest-stars as a lonely weed who just wants to find a lawn to call her own. Wrong reality? Figures.

»Groovy Smoothie«

Sam and Freddie are on a date.

Freddie wants to know when Sam first started to like him. The question that all the Seddiers asked themselves and others ever since they started to ship Seddie.

And here’s the answer: “Okay, remember the time I pushed you in front of that bike messenger and he knocked you down and your head hit that fire hydrant?”
“Yes…”
“Well afterwards, when you were laying there…moaning…with blood coming out your ear—“ “Yeah…”
“I don’t know, I thought you looked…kinda cute.”
“Oh, then it was worth the hearing loss.”
“Well yeah. ”

I think this is the first time T-Bo takes a smoothie away from anyone…

“The Love Smoothie?” And it’s free? It’s official, I’m gonna make sure my first date happens on the Groovy Smoothie.

36 bucks for a cup? “That’s Jamaican plastic!”

“I can’t believe you’re being so cheap.”
“I can’t believe you’re being so pushy.”
“I can’t believe I still don’t have my 36 dollars.”
I’m sure everyone said this but, “I STILL can’t believe it’s not butter!”

“This is not how boyfriends behave.”
“Yes, it is.” I don’t think it is, Freddie.

Apparently, every single Seddie date must include a trip to the…

BabelLeef: Meh. Couldn’t think of anything to say about this scene – I disliked it quite a lot. Don’t kill me!

»Shay’s apartment«

Spencer’s mowing his homemade lawn.

Gibby’s at the door with a friend!

“Mommy woves you!” Mommy? Cibby again…

Sam and Freddie are always hanging out together now, so you had the idea of spending more time with Carly…

The puppy’s name is Sir Licks-a-lot.

Seddie arrive. The dispute that conflicts them is postponed due to ham.

“Some things are more important than ham.”
“Don’t you ever say that to me.”

For 36 dollars, Freddie can buy a whole ham.

Gibby, raising his voice. There’s some things that just have to be done…

Carly should write a book on dating advice…

Sam and Freddie, one word. Compromise.

A HUGE compliment to Jennette and Nathan’s acting. They’re acting like boyfriend and girlfriend… I can imagine the awkwardness…

“You guys realize how flammable gasoline is? It’s really flammable!” Holy bleep, Spencer!

BabelLeef:

Spencer’s lawn-mower reminds me of my childhood, when I got my hand caught in one. I’m kidding. I just used to mow the grass with my dad, is all.

Rule number one with lawn mowers: DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LAY ON ONE. I CAN NOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH.

“Some things are more important than ham!” Tense silence by all hardcore shippers. “Don’t ever say that to me.”

Miranda, your acting is amazing – especially here. “Oh…” giggle. “Okay!”

Oh, and Nathan too. “I said it with a C, not a W!” My favourite line in the WHOLE EPISODE.

(While writing this, my iPod started playing It’s Not Unusual. I found it ironic. And awesome, ‘cos I love that song.)

Freddie, you are SO whipped.

*Kiss* “Lets go get you that ham.” “Awww, baby!” Fangirls: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

“Do you guys realise how flammable gasoline is?! IT’S REALLY FLAMMABLE!” My favourite Spencer line to date.

»Carly’s room«

They even go to Carly’s room at 3 AM!

Carly has a snore mask. No shame in that.

Freddie knows about the chip? I’m kind of disappointed; I wanted him to freak out when he was told that.

I’m officially confused. Why does Sam say “knocked up” when she’s arguing with Freddie?

And now we go to… What’s this sound?

It’s some kind of blue box…

Oh, my God… You guys simply don’t believe who’s here with me right now.

It’s the Doctor!

Doctor, I have a LOT of questions to ask you. First, why are you here?
Doctor: I don’t know, the TARDIS brought me here.
Me: Okay, who’s the President of the United States in 2077?
Doctor: Gibby Gibson.
Me: Can you tell me anything about the merger between Virginia and West Virginia that is stated to occur in 2041?
Doctor: I can’t say anything about that.
Me: Bummer… Anyhow, how’s Rose Tyler?
Doctor: She’s on parallel Earth.
Me: Good, keep up the good work!
Doctor: Thank you!

BabelLeef: Oh my god they were video chatting oh my god oh my god.

They were video chatting online at almost three in the morning. I need to do that with someone one time.

I do believe Freddie’s mum is a bigger freak. It’s chip verses coffee. And while Jane Lynch is super-epic, I do believe that it’s ever so slightly weirder to put a locator chip in your baby son’s head.

I’m kind of star-struck – THE DOCTOR IS HERE. Oh my god. I also apologise for the lateness of these notes – but there is someone who could take me back in time and change all that. How about it, Doc? Or would it mess with the laws of space and time? *cough*Hypocrite*cough*

»Shay’s apartment«

I honestly don’t know what to say about this image.

And she’s not doing that for Spencer…

Wait, corn juice?

Did you call him stupid, Carly?

This cracks me up:

Here comes the Gibster, with Sit Licks-a-lot.

“I never wanted a dog!” And then the puppy makes that sound. Lovely.

Oh, Carly, you made Gibby cry… and all he wanted was to be your boyfriend…

There’s a real (but fake) tear on Gibby’s face.

The puppy’s really cute…

BabelLeef:

I cried when Carly hurt Spencer’s feelings. It was seeing his face crumple like that… just killed me.

On a more professional note, the on-screen chemistry between Miranda and Jerry is so amazing.

“GIBBEH.” How many of my friends do this when they enter a room now? Just one. And even I think he’s weird.

»iCarly Studio«

Sam and Freddie are in the iCarly studio getting things ready for the show.

New Penny-T: Penny Tease. Also, I love the shirt Sam’s wearing.

Carly, Sam and Freddie having dinner. It’ll be nice to have a dinner out.

“Sam and I love Italian food so we made a reservation at Pini’s.”
“I love Pini’s!”

Do you guys know that segments where there’s a guy on camera who keeps facepalming over and over again without saying a word? That’s my reaction after hearing this. I did that for a good 5 minutes.

And it gets worse…

“The lasagna at Pini’s is so good that when I die, please bury me naked in a bathtub full of Pini’s lasagna.”

10 seconds to iCarly.

Making adult diapers out of old newspapers? That may come in handy!

Today’s news: “Old tree-houses are more spacious than sheet forts,” sources claim.
TV Writers waste a lot of time, study finds.
Parole denied for Nora Dirshlitt, Appeal Rejected.

Another argument, this time, they don’t waste time. “Carly!”

BabelLeef: “How great does Sam’s hair look?” I’ve been waiting for a line like this for AGES. And I was not dissapointed.

If anyone cares, the links to the videos on the sidebar of the iCarly.com website (shown in the episode) are “Watch a new video of Spencer!!! Click here.” and “Learn a new and IMPROVED recipe for Spagehetti Tacos!”

»Shay’s apartment«

Spencer’s making chicken. Moist chicken.

Carly’s going on a dinner date with Sam and Freddie. And Spencer’s with a girl he doesn’t know.

Gibby had a playdate for Sir Licks-a-lot but Carly didn’t show up.

BabelLeef: Spencer’s ‘friend’ reminds me of Ginger Fox; I would not want her coming to my house for my moist chicken. Wait, ew…

»Meanwhile, at Pini’s«

Sam and Freddie are on a date. They really like the lasagna…

The line “We’d really appreciate that” said by Freddie isn’t the same as used in the first promo of Nick’s Epic Summer.

Paul, the DJ, tried to flirt with Carly. No luck.

Sam and Freddie get into another fight… and Carly settles it. “Sam, that’s an insane amount of cheese. It embarrasses me.”

Carly has lost it. She pushes Sam aside.

And this is one of the things I NEVER (yes, Bieber, I said NEVER) want to see in my life:

Jennette/Sam on the verge of tears.

Wise words from Carly: “if you guys can’t learn how to solve your problems on your own, then you shouldn’t be dating at all…”

BabelLeef: This has particular meaning for me – it was seeing this set in Dan’s Run-Through video that inspired my fic ‘I Always Meet at the Purple Restuarant’. I’m still on the edge as to whether I’ll write another chapter, but I’m currently leaning towards one for iCan’t Take It. There’s a scene in mind. A perfect scene… mwahaha.

Although it has meaning, I can’t think of much else to say…

»Shay’s apartment«

Staring at the skies, while indoors. Awesomeness in a nutshell.

BabelLeef: Ouch.

Overall:

I’ll be honest – Noah, Miranda and Jerry stole the show for me. I’m expecting a lot more of Nathan and Jennette in iCan’t Take It and iLove You – two very romangst filled episode.

And I’m a sucker for romangst…

Rob: What I don’t like about the episode: Pini’s. I don’t have to explain why. Petrocini’s had been mentioned on iGot a Hot Room. Also, the line “We’d really appreciate that” that was used on the Nick Epic Summer promo would have worked better, in my opinion.

See you all soon!

RobSp1derp1g’s iCarly Reviews. Changing the iCarly blogosphere, one post at a time.

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