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iOpen A Restaurant Review

Welcome to the iOpen a Restaurant review. Shall we get on with it?

»Scene 1 – iCarly webcast«

Drilling meat. Two words that have never been used together… Even MS Word has trouble recognizing it.

“Science Fact of The Day?” Is it possible that iCarly has connections to the people behind the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device, Aperture Science, also known as Aperture Labs?

Einstein’s alive?

Never mix clam juice and soy sauce. It causes you to explode…

“Can’t argue with Science.”

Spencer drunk both liquids and now he’s ok… okay, he exploded, leaving only his shoes…

Follow @CoolEinstein! You’ll learn something new every time. He’s like Bunsen Jude “The Science Dude”.

»Sometime later«

Grandpa Shay is worried about Spencer’s wellbeing, because he exploded.

The Shays have been robbed! Someone stole the TV, and the computer…

And Spencer is wearing Carly’s bathrobe.

Don’t, Spencer!

»Title Credits«

»Scene 2 – Ridgeway High«

Carly’s showing pics the cops sent her to Freddie.

I think I know that guy…

Carly’s right, he doesn’t care.

Carly’s worried about Gibby, she says it’s not like him to miss 2 classes in a row.

Now, here’s the line that created a fan war last Saturday, “Is it too late for you to love me?”

I think this is just an outburst from Freddie. But more on that later.

Sam arrives to tell Carly and Freddie that Gibman (yeah, Gibman) is in the school basement.

Carly’s relief is evident in her voice when she says “Is he okay?” He’s okay, by Gibby standards.

Go, go with Sam.

»Some time later«

The gang arrives at the basement. It’s full of spider webs.

Gibby welcomes the gang. The way he said it reminds me of movies with brain-washing religious cults.

He has wanted to open a restaurant… for as long as he can remember. And what better location for a restaurant than a high school basement?

It could actually work, Carly…

“Dreamspitter?” That’s a new one… But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, since there are parents that name their kids “Bartzina” and Hayley Dreamsmasher Smith. Look them up.

Opening a restaurant on the roof does have its advantages… Fresh air, amazing view…

Freddie goes in to support Carly, but he asks if there would be lasagna. Personally, I don’t like lasagna. The first time I had some it was really messed up.

And then Sam asks if there would be tater tots. I don’t know if I ever had that. I don’t know what that is.

A waterpark underground, Carly? Really?

Freddie is going to follow Carly up. And Sam starts to get suspicious…

“You got a new little crush on her?” Yeah, Freddie, she did ask you that. And if I may quote the Dark Prince from Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones (I’m a nerd, sue me.) “I eagerly await your response.”

And as Freddie walks upstairs, you can see that Sam is upset about that.

See? Look at her face…

Gibby comes to the rescue, but Sam intervenes: “Too close.”

»Scene 3 – Bushwell Plaza«

Okay, now I’m starting to get a little curious. Freddie’s going back to his old ‘crushing on Carly’ ways? Let’s see who wrote this episode…

“Written by Dan Schneider and Jake Farrow”. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m sure there’s a pretty sure there’s an explanation for Freddie’s behavior. Now, to find it…

I must admit, having 37 external flashes hit your eyes simultaneously seems like a lot.

37,000? Dude, that’s impressive!

Another one?

»Scene 4 – Ridgeway High Basement – Gibby’s«

Carly and Freddie are amazed that Gibby has actually managed to open a restaurant. By now, they should have somehow realized that anything is possible in a Dan Schneider show.

Carly still can’t believe it. Two words: it’s butter.

Only cool people can eat at Gibby’s. Friends of theirs. Even though I don’t know who the guy in the right table is. Or the hot girl next to him… I think I’m in love. But I’ve never talked to her. Can any of you introduce me? Cookie for whoever gets the reference.

Red pepper on pasta? Not my cup of tea, to be honest.

Sam has a cousin who has a nose. Shocker.

“So, I’ll hook it up?”
“Hook it, baby!”

Sibby shippers must be high right now…

Red pepper lemonade? That’s a first…

And Carly’s running around looking fo- Dayum… There’s some amazing girls in this school…

Okay, okay, we get it! You don’t like the lemonade…

»Commercial break«

»Scene 6 – Gibby’s Gibby’s«

Gibby’s has a new look. Round metal tables and a more roadside diner style. That is, comparing to the roadside diners I see on TV.

There’s a kid that just returned from juvie. Billy Boots.

Gibby doesn’t take his shirt off anymore. At least, not without a good reason.

Oh, no. Someone just pissed Gibby off… And that’s not a good thing to do.

So, when you insult Gibby, you get free stuff at his restaurant?

Oh, it’s just like in Buttersock 3: Return of the Buttersock…

»Scene 7«

Spencer called Carly and Freddie in from school, to show them his new toy/security system.

I must admit, this looks quite dangerous…

Okay, 1200 ft/s… That equals about… 818.1799 miles per hour or 365.7584 meters/second. Math…

Damn, those popcorn kernels are made of what? Metal?

»Meanwhile, back at Gibby’s«

Gibby’s back… Back again…

Sam to the rescue! It still amazes me that Sam can overpower anyone. And I wish to test that.

»Meanwhile, thousands of miles away«

As I wrote this, I had a MAJOR dejá vu moment.

Spencer, Carly and Freddie are going to use Mrs. Benson as bait, to turn off the kill machine.

When all else fails, unplug the machine.

»Scene 8«

Professor Howard is back from the moon… I don’t recall if he was killed by the Decepticons…

Mr. Howard, you can see all the restaurant supplies here, so the simplest answer, and the most obvious one is, “DUH!”

All the good things come to an end… and as such, Gibby’s will close…

And they say professors aren’t nice…

What was your favorite thing about this episode? Let me know through the comments!

iGo One Direction Review

WARNING – This episode contains copious amounts of One Direction. Women with heart conditions are advised not to look directly at One Direction. This also applies to women without heart conditions. They’re very pretty – see? See how pretty they are? They’re very pretty! I’d like to run my fingers through their hair; and I’m just text! Anyway, without further ado, enjoy your iCarly episode.

Welcome, everyone, to the review of iGo One Direction. You’ve read the warning and by reading this either out loud or to yourself, you’re agreeing not to sue.

»Scene 1 – Carly and Spencer just arrived home«

From this image, one can assume that the Shays went to Mexico. And that Spencer STILL hasn’t gotten muscles. You know why? Because, despite the fact that his sister is at least 10 years younger than him, and that she’s a bit sick, SHE’s the one carrying all the bags…

“Maybe I should take you to a doctor…” Maybe? I don’t think that there’s any need for that… There a psychotic nurse right across the hall, perhaps she cou… Yeah, a doctor’s better… Probably Dr. Dresdin, who lives in 10-G. Or, if you’re really in a hurry, Dr. Who!

There’s a party going on in the apartment of the Shays! It looks like a pre-4th of July (which I hope to celebrate this year), complete with a barbecue, kids in a kiddie pool, and videogames!

“She okay?”
“No, she’s like dying.” And you STILL haven’t taken her to a doctor, or your neighbor.

There’s a Gibby head watching the video game.

What’s the problem, Gib? Are you afraid of worms?

Of course Sam would know about jungle worms…

Poor Carly… but the stakes are ready.

»Title Sequence«

»Scene 2«

Gibby is rubbing Sam’s feet. However, if I did not see it, and just heard it, I wouldn’t say that they were rubbing feet.

These replies to Spencer were actually pretty awesome!

“Hey, guys! Guess what I got?”
“A woman?”
“A job?”
“A friend your own age?”

So, Spencer got an exercise machine… actually, for a moment there, I thought I heard Spencer say exorcise machine… I actually did…

Uhh, the Omniflex… Omni, meaning “all”, and flex, meaning “physical effort”.

Is that… Is that a single popcorn on your navel? Navel means belly button…

Freddie received an e-mail from the manager of a British band. Who are they? Take That? Franz Ferdinand? Muse? (Actually, a serious note here: Muse were the favorite band of a friend of mine who recently passed away.) Coldplay? (“You know how I know you’re gay? You like Coldplay.”) David Bowie? (“I’m not David Bowie”) The Beatles?

Oh, it’s WandErection, I mean, One Direction… Never heard of them…

Gibby’s a big fan of them…

If I may quote the e-mail: “Dear Freddie (Oh my God), in response to your e-mail, my clients, One Direction, will be in the Seattle area later this week, and they would love to appear on iCarly and perform a song.” That’s huge for them, first Plain White T’s, now One Direction, who’s next? James Blunt? Taylor Swift? Maroon 5? Uh, uh, Gym Class Heroes with Adam Levine!!!

Look at this! This is Cutting Room Flow!

If I didn’t know it’s a fake software, I’d probably download it illegally…

»Scene 3«

Spencer’s getting a visit and a package for Spencer Spay. Oh, the subliminal messages…

You’re a personal exercise trainer?

Spencer unknowingly fixed a babe magnet…

»Scene 4 – iCarly studio«

Freddie is working with the camera…

A few things to retain: Sam texted Freddie from jail. But she’s just visiting…

Carly saved Freddie from a possible infection with Jungle Worms.

It has been a very long time since I got to say this, Gibby suited up! Look at the Gibster:

He might just be the biggest male fan of 1D…

And Sam, who just got here from prison, announces that WandErection, I mean One Direction have arrived. And Gibby unleashes the inner fangirl. Basically, he does what I would do if I saw any of the 33 names I have on my phone… All of those names are female.

Yeah, I know… In my opinion, the use of this image was WAY overdue…

One Direction are performing a song. And that song is “What Makes You Beautiful.”

Sam makes a quick announcement: “I’m not currently dating anyone.” Please note this look on Freddie’s face:

And, of course, Gibby’s foot massages. He has, according to Spencer, “the hands of a goddess”.

British sandwiches…

Carly leaves the water bottle with the cute Texan water bottle holder unprotected near the tech cart.

 
I would like to thank @VillayCescilove for identifying the members of 1D.

I don’t know if you know this but it’s 5 of them… “Just putting that out there…”

!Would you guys autograph my sister’s scrapbook?” I didn’t know Taylor was a fa… Sister’s? Then why does it have a G on the cover?

Okay, I must say this: I’ve been speaking English for over 10 years now, 7 of those were spent learning British English, and I can’t understand what they say! Luckily, I have a transcript. Let me check… Oh, yeah, Harry asked Louis if there was any water. And Louis says “Ova ther…”

“Handgoons” Yeah, in America, we use them bloody handgoons to kill people…

»Sometime later…«

Spencer is combing his not-so-lady-like hair for his personal exercise trainer time.

Sam likes One Direction… Is that why Freddie’s joining a band? Pretzels for thought…

Spencer, she doesn’t care. Like, at all…

What the deuce? Who’s the incredibly rude girl?

“Kid, what are you doing?”
“Smelling this fudge!” Isn’t it obvious, Spencer?

“My mother said you were gonna exercise me!” Should I be the one to let you know that this sounds like there’s another connotation to this sentence?

I can’t believe Spencer is helpless towards a kid…

»Some time later«

Geez, hum, what’s his name… Right, Harry’s feeling really bad… He can’t even stand…

Gibby, go sit in the…

Yeah, there. Stay there.

You feel cold? And thirsty? You know what that means, don’t you? It means you read the wrong part of the script!

Carly gave Harry Styles jungle worms? Dun, dun, dun…

»Commercial break«

»Scene 4, Carly’s room«

Dr. Dresden is taking care of Harry.

“Is he better?”
”I think so… or maybe not.” What kind of doctor are you?

“We’re so lucky to have a doctor right here in the building.” Still thinking a psychotic nurse would be better…

Here’s a nice pun: Harry wants fruit cut into cubes, the way only Carly does. ‘Cause “that’s what makes you beautiful.”

»Some time later«

Spencer’s forcing that kid to get some exercise, while Spencer eats.

45 seconds!

Spencer’s like me, he can’t see a girl cry.

Bethany’s not awkward, she just has a very bad personality.

A makeover?

»Scene 7 – Groovy Smoothie«

San Francisco! The city the show Monk takes place in!

Note that Sam’s reaction is an actual effect obtained from being around celebrities. Go to a celebrity, ask them to say the name of a country or city and watch the results.

Harry’s having all of his needs taken care of…

T-Bo’s taking pics of 1D with his pearPhone.

“…he’s having a good time at Hotel Carly-fornia.” What a lovely place, what a lovely place, what a lovely place.

Butter Sock 4: The Re-Return of The Butter Sock.

“Is that a sock?”
“Full of butta?”

Freddie wants to “replace” Harry from 1D, forcing him to admit that he’s just in it for the lulz, I mean, for Carly’s attention.

“Who with?”

Here’s the question that is on EVERYONE’s mind. Who will replace Harry? Who has the raw talent, predisposition to sing and intricate knowledge of OneDirection’s songs that is required to sing with the group? Ali Brustofski? Megan Nicole? Uh, uh, Aria Summer Wallace!

This guy.

Harry admits he’s feeling better and that he’ll be able to perform on iCarly, on the condition that they never let Gibby sing, or dance ever again.

And as usual, Gibby’s not in on it.

»Some time later«

Spencer is giving a little girl a makeover. It’s Extreme Makeover: Kid Edition.

Agh, my eyes!!

“We need some kind of resolution!” I hear the fourth wall breaking.

»Scene 8 – iCarly webcast«

The girls just presented One Direction.

I’ve been on Twitter for a while now. And every day, I hear about One Direction but never thought about it. But this song is awesome!

Sam kidnapped Zayn?

Guys, get ready! Tomorrow there’s another iCarly episode tomorrow. It’s called iOpen a Restaurant! And it is gonna be fun… I guess…

iApril Fools Review

Rob’s Reviews, a shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist. RobSp1derp1g, a young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of the innocent, the helpless, the powerless, in a world of criminals who operate above the law. 

Welcome, faithful readers! We bring you today my review to iApril Fools, another episode of iCarly!

First of all, I have to apologize. This review was done when I wasn’t feeling too well, and I had some stuff holding me down…

Let’s get started!

This time, the gang warns us that this is not an usual episode of iCarly. And it is not for normal people. And the answer for it is… soup.

»Title Credits«

These credits are a bit different… There’s a montage with pics of them when they started doing iCarly and how they are now. And there’s fire and lightning in the middle…

There’s a box with items which belong to @DanWarp. Here, take a look:

»Scene 1 – Bushwell Plaza, Shays’ very bare living room«

Are the Shays moving?

The Shays have been EVICTED? That is a TERRIBLE way to spend April Fools! Mine’s gonna be more creative… Then again, not that much…

I find it harder to believe that the owner’s name is Bushwell than Carly stabbed him…

10 o’clock PST? I’m on DST, so what time is that on GMT?

“Sure had a lot of good times on this place.”
“Yeah, we sure had…” Oh, God, here it comes, reminiscing time…
“Agreement.”

“You guys remember the time we were all sitting around watching that TV show?”
“What episode of that TV show?”
“You mean the one where the characters talk about crazy stuff that happened in previous episodes?” Isn’t that all TV shows?
“And then they flashback to the scenes they were talking about?” Yup, that’s ALL TV shows.

Reminiscing time!

Dan Schneider is talking in the TV! It is my belief that this is an episode (with flashback) of Head Of The Class..

That’s the 2nd time I’ve ever seen people so excited about flashbacks…

Gibby comes in from the elevator to steal something…

The new tenants are from France! *le gasp*

Gibby hit Spencer in the head with the STOP sign he stole…

But Sam tells him that is not how April Fools works… so Gibby kisses Spencer on the cheek and runs away…

They’re going away against their wishes, so they are having a party, complete with a party bush…

T-Bo’s invited too, so Sam calls him.

T-Bo’s a genie?

And T-Bo proceeds to do the same thing Gibby did, smack Spencer in the head with a STOP sign.

“Will you just take us to the next scene, please?”

Hard cut to…

»Scene 2 – Party’s location«

Freddie’s NOT partying without a party bush… He wants it so bad he starts to feel a bit ill due to not having a party bush…

That’s the power of magic. T-Bo blinks and they get a party bush… but is it me, or it’s a bit dry?

Ah, iCarly… I used to love that webshow… Now? I still do…

They are going to think back on the reason they started iCarly…

Whoa! They have suddenly been transported to school! There is some Butterfly Effect chiz going on here…

This is the event that led to the creation of iCarly… After this, Freddie uploaded Carly and Sam’s video and accidentally created iCarly…

After the final denial from Ms. Briggs, Carly and Sam the scene cuts to… What?

That’s Ms. Briggs from another universe which is not this one!!

If their energies collide, there will be an explosion with galactic proportions!

FIRE IN THE HOLE!! TAKE COVER!! That is the example of over 6 years playing Counter Strike and Call of Duty… If I may quote Jeffrey Albertson (known to many as Comic Book Guy), “life well spent!”

It’s an explosion of galactic proportions, but it’s confined to a few inches… and it’s perfectly safe to walk on the blast radius afterwards. Look:

“We should start a webshow.”
“Okay, what do we call it?”

And here’s the kicker, non-nerd Freddie actually trying to be a nerd.

And of course, who could forget Sparky.

And Freddie can move while in freeze frame!

See? What did I tell you? Going to a re-enactment of the past changed the course of Blitztory! *ghost-like whispers* Blitz…

“What time is it?” It’s time for Spencer to be hit in the head with a STOP sign, AGAIN… However, despite the caps, I find it very amusing…

Poachy? Sounds strangely familiar and delicious…

Here they go again…

Oh, the harp…

Miko?

The girls are intelligent, don’t get me wrong, I thought that girls like these had been discontinued, but sometimes they can be so thick headed!

Miko is able to predict the future… look:

Gibby, you’re violating the rules of flashingbacking!

There’s an Asian guy knocked out in your studio. You start dancing like a cowboy in Texas…

Yet another flashback. I didn’t know the Shays had a cat… Is it me, or isn’t that cat Jackson, Dan’s cat?

There’s an old saying, Gibby, and it goes like this: “Take me by the tongue and I’ll know you” See what I did there? Nah, the saying is “Payback’s a [CENSORED]”

»Commercial Break«

“We’re back!”
“Back from what?”
“I dunno…”

Let me clarify some things. I didn’t know there was such a thing as a party bush, but talking party bushes? That’s epic, dawg…

T-Bo just watered the bush…

Now, they talk about Carly’s lack of bad moods. And they are proven wrong, in a flashbacking way.

Huh? What are they doing in Tori Vega from Victorious’s house? And that’s the former blogger who alienated his friends by writing about them!!

It’s like a virus… “just leave it all to me”

Spencer’s really long hair… like a lady’s.

It was when iSaved Your Life aired. “12 million viewers…”

Spencer’s ladylike hair…

Here comes Mr. Bushwell.

Just one question, why does Gibby take down his pants when he gets depressed?

Think back, Mr. Bushwell…

Look! It’s the Doc! He brings a warning!

Go back to a future episode!!

And here’s the obvious reference to Back to the Future, in which there is a mention to the possibility of Seddie children.

And T’bo’s time machine!!

This episode shows that you don’t need to have a storyline to have a good time… Stupid line, I know…

And again, I’m sorry about the delay.

Knight to king’s Pawns

By now, you’re wondering about this weird title. I mean, Knight to King’s Pawns? I’m not an avid chess player, but I think that this post needed a chess reference… 

Why? Read it and say ‘ahhh': http://insidetv.ew.com/2012/04/10/pawn-stars-icarly/

That’s right, ahhh…

It’s “Pawn”, there’s no “r” in it…

Who’s next? Mike Rowe? Bear Grylls? The Auction Hunters? The Stig? Speculate away!

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