Hello, and again, welcome to RobSp1derp1g’s iCarly Reviews computer-aided blog. We hope the time you spent watching iPity The Nevel has been a pleasant one. The episode has been processed, and we are now ready to begin the review proper. Before we start, however, keep in mind that although fun and learning are the primary goals of all the blog’s posts, serious injuries may occur. For your own safety, and the safety of others, please refrain from stop reading this review until it’s finished. If you finish the review, there will be cake. The review will start in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
First of all, I’d like to apologize. This episode’s review came a little later than the rest, due to my personal life and iOMG been being announced and all the subsequent speculation that followed.
This episode of iCarly contains vampires, which will give me an unique oportunity to write a lot of vampire jokes, most of them shamelessly copied from Vampires Suck. No copyright infringment intended.
Oh, and one more thing: *Mr. T voice* I pity the fool who isn’t excited to see iOMG Part 2. If anyone was insulted, my apologies.
Location: Shay’s kitchen
Freddie’s sitting at the computer, while Spencer is sitting in the couch, doing something…
Freddie’s editing a mini video for iCarly.com. Oh, my mistake, turns out he’s “Frediting”. I don’t really know what that is. Carly kinda laughs at the joke.
“You really thought that was funny?” “No…” You have to admit, Freddie, that joke was kinda lame.
“What’s Fredly working on?” Well, Fredly’s work… Wait… Fredly?
“Look what I made!” Spencer, calm down, your sister’s talking…
What is an egg shooter? I’m afraid to know the answer.
So, it’s a water gun that was converted to use raw eggs… Neat. Does it work?
I should have foreseen that…
I don’t know if you guys know that TV show “Heroes”, it was about a bunch of people who had extraordinary abilities. Some would fly, some read minds, some controlled the space-time continuum. Well, it turns out that our friend Spencer here has the power of pyrokinesis. Create fire from nothing. Either that or a really cool special effect.
“A perfect Christmas gift”? I’m afraid I didn’t really understand this line.
Here comes Sam, she’s really in a hurry about a video that’s online…
“Going down!” Freddie has crashed…
I was unaware that Spencer knew another Nevel, and he’s a pianist.
“I’m gonna go ride bikes with Socko…” You do that, Spence…
The video is about Nevel. He has yelling at a little girl because she bumped into him and made him brake the last jar of some kind of pickles…
And they celebrate the downfall of Nevel A. Papperman…
Location: iCarly studio, broadcasting live
The best way to prove ice is cold is: a) place a Gibby in a bathtub full of ice or b) insert water in the freezer. From then on, it’s a personal choice.
Whoa… Wait a minute. Maybe it’s my polluted mind (as my brother calls it), or does the following line have a double meaning?
Sam: “That proves it.”
Carly: “Ice is very cold.”
Sam: “Cold enough to freeze your Gibbys.”
I think it does…
iCarly premiere time. It’s time for the long-anticipated premiere of… of… *whispers* what’s the film name? Oh, right. Moonlight Twi-blood…
As Sam puts it, a vampire flick nobody needs or wants…
Let’s analyze Moonlight Twi-blood, a more terrible movie than “Kelly Cooper: Terrible Movie”.
It’s the Cowboy and the Idiot Farm Girl Who Thought The Cowboy (“Cowboy” is read “Ca-buy”) was a Vampire.
The Idiot Farm Girl wants a vampire as a boyfriend… That’s totally what the girl on Twilight would do…
Introducing Fredward Cullen. He’s “eviler” than Edward Cullen and but still not funnier than Edward Sullen.
Notice the vampire voice. Attention ladies: he’s single! The only downfall is that he’ll stay that age for all eternity. The only thing that doesn’t is… Oh, I won’t say it, kids read this blog.
According to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, you have to invite a vampire in order for him to go inside your house.
He pulled out the fangs. Look how pointy his fangs are…
Time for some narration:
“On the cold and dark (and wet) streets of Seattle, an Idiot Farm Girl has invited a vampire to her house… No one should do that. xoxo Gossip Girl”
She really wants him to be her vampire boyfriend… her VBF. ‘Cause that’s what she wants.
To computer experts much like myself, the letters VBF mean something entirely different.
But he can’t… he’s a monster… Come on, Fredward, there’s no need for that kind of low self-esteem… Kinda reminds me, of “You’re the fourth Jonas Brother” “I’m a killer!”
And if he tries to kiss the Idiot Farm Girl, he might bite her neck, you know, in a murderous fashion.
Time for some more narration:
“While the full moon is up there in the screen, I mean, sky, an evil vampire gang who looks like the Black Eyed Peas is trying to take over the world.” Oh, you know that’s not true, but still…
Fredward Cullen is in a love triangle. Those are always cool!!!
George!! Haven’t seen you in a while, you know, since you were FIRED!
George is fun to be around and he’s great with kids… but, he has a huge flaw that won’t allow him to be with the vampire… he’s a bra.
If every vampire did what Fredward did, there’d be much less victims of vampirism…
Now we get to see the Nevel video again…
“That’s why America now hates Nevel Papperman” They hated him first because of that awful review about them…
“We were ahead of the curve…”
Here comes the Gibster!
A Karma party is a party where you celebrate the failure and disappointments of your enemies. But remember, Carly, Karma works both ways…
“Just desserts.” This may have been the best applied line of dialog Freddie has ever had until this moment in time. Very good placement and acting…
Location: Carly Shay’s Karma Party
Welcome to the iCarly Karma Party! You celebrate the failure of Nevel Papperman. We got good tunes, piñatas, darts and the ladies get 1 drink free!
Freddie’s been approached by 3 beautiful girls…
Whoa, apparently, Fredward Cullen’s voice makes even the most boring speech seem interesting.
Also, for fun, notice the blond girl.
Karma corn, Karma apples… What’s this?
“To Nevel’s misery!!”
Location: Streets of Seattle
Here he is, Nevel Papperman, walking in the streets of Seattle and drinking juice from a packet. Is his mom still in that cruise?
Please note how he carries with him a box (packet, bundle, whatever) of juice. Normally, hobos carry a bottle in a paper bag. Just letting you know.
Please notice the highlighted area. It’s too much for poor Nevel to see the reason for his downfall on a sitting bench like that. I mean, it’s because of Schneider’s All Varieties Gourmet Pickles that he is where he is. And he gets hit in the face with a burger.
And it starts raining on top of him.
And he gets wet. By a guy with a hose. Karma… It works in mysterious and weird ways…
Transition to: Carly’s Karma Party
The three girls from the other picture just left.
“Karmagain.” Understandable pun…
“One final toast to the downfall of Nevel Papperman!” Samantha, I’ll drink to that!
Liquid soap, Gibby?
Uh, Freddie’s got a text. From one of those 3 girls that left at the start of this scene. Here’s what she wrote:
“Freddie, you are so, so hot.” After he reads the text, he proceeds to giggle like a girl. Understandable, I’d do the same. But, so far, no girls have called me hot.
This is one of the moments in this episode that would be explained later on the show, namely about 3 weeks later.
“Man, what is it with girls? A guy acts like a stupid vampire on a screen and they get all floppy.”
Have you guys noticed that Sam employs the word “stupid” a lot more than the rest of the characters? I wonder why…
There’s a knock on the door. It’s the door to “The Twilight Zone.” Or maybe it’s “The Scary Door”, the Twilight Zone’s parody from Futurama.
Notice how the house is decorated. Full of anti-Nevel stuff. Imagine how Nevel would feel when he sees that.
It’s Nevel! I’m not here! –hides behind the kitchen counter-
“What’s he doing here?”
(in vampire voice) “I don’t know…”
Notice that Sam didn’t like that.
Back to Bushwell Plaza.
Nevel is tied up in a not so comfortable position… with his hands tied to his feet.
But he complains about the fact that Gibby eats the pudding loudly.
“You hate us!” And not like Sam hates Freddie. Oh no, Rob, you didn’t…
Nevel makes an awesome heartfelt speech, but Gibby’s conclusion is the chiz. “This pudding rocks!”
“I hope you’ll be kind enough to untie me because I’ve lost all feeling in my hands and feet.”
He wants to show the world he regrets his behavior.
You’re willing to prove you’re a changed man, boy, person?
Sam never stops to amaze me…
What is this, Fear Factor? Nevel’s gonna have to dring half a can of Wahoo Punch from Sam’s sweaty sneaker. If he pulls this off, well, nothing’ll happen.
Sam carries a dead cricket in her sneaker… Not surprising.
Everyone’s reaction is the same. Disgust.
Location: The Groovy Smoothie
The iCarly gang is getting ready to record a part of the show from the Groovy Smoothie. Meanwhile Freddie gets an unexpected visitor.
Patrice approached Freddie. She’s clearly nervous, as indicated by her slight lip licking.
“Did you like what you saw?” “A lot.”
Freddie’s got himself a potential date… Again, Freddie, wait 3 weeks.
About this image there is few to say and much to admire. Freddie just asked the girls to allow him to make more vampire stuff on iCarly. Carly’s happy face indicates that she’s happy (duh) that Freddie’s having luck with girls. Sam, on the other hand, not so much. You can see she’s a little bothered by his success with the ladies.
Also, is that a compass she’s carrying around her neck? I thought I was the only one who did that…
This next moment is the previous scene in video form.
“America’s nr. 1 dipwad.” “Former dipwad.”
Let me get this straight, he’s screamed at a little girl, and to show how sorry he is, he offers people smoothies that he paid for and creamed corn made by him. I’m not convinced…
The recipe for the creamed corn comes from Nevel’s Grandpappy Papperman…
So, 1 error on this image.
We see www.danwarp.com on the address bar, but the site is iCarly.com.
Despite Nevel’s efforts, Stacey isn’t buying.
Funny how CreddieManiac is quoting Sam, isn’t it?
And what is HungryLisa saying?
What is Spencer doing? Counting screws. ‘Cause he’s bored…
Aw, come on, Nevel! You know that’s not true… Not everybody hates you… Just a big group of people…
Not even advice you can give them, Spence. They don’t want it either…
Nevel’s being attacked! By a headache!
Carly’s conforting Nevel… It’s amazing how Internet-induced shame can do to some people. And lookie here:
Notice the color of the circle on Nevel’s laptop… Yeah…
“No one’s truly gonna believe I truly feel bad about what I did.” Now that’s true, Nevel.
So, Carly hatches together a plan to help Nevel apologize to the world. And she means it.
Spencer, why are you placing butter upon your face?
Location: iCarly studio, broadcasting live
Gibby was just bitten by an African blowfish, who likes human flesh. Sometimes I wonder why he keeps doing this to himself.
Now look at this:
You can see the “On-line” sign above the door. I just noticed it and I absolutely loved it!
Also, you can see that Miranda is taller than Jennette. I did not know that.
Nevel is apologizing to the world.
“I, Nevel Amadeus Papperman, …” Amadeus?
In this image, no words were required or were provided. When the camera shows Sam, she shrugs, meaning she doesn’t believe that Nevel’s sorry.
Did Nevel just toss the paper?
A truly heartfelt speech from a truly ashamed and regretful webmaster.
A heart-warming moment between Nevel and Molly, the little girl at who he yelled.
Aww… Carly’s a little emotional.
Spencer shows up with absolutely nothing to say.
Location: The Groovy Smoothie
Freddie’s on a date with Patrice. You know, the girl who asked him out earlier that week.
She just dumped him. She claims “the vampire thing has played out”. What? No it hasn’t! Look at the Twilight saga, which is parodied in this episode.
Werewolf type? What? Is this a Team Jacob thing?
“Let’s roll.” Gibbeh…
Doesn’t Tasha get jealous? “We’re not exclusive.”
Nevel arrived at the Groovy Smoothie. I don’t think I’ve seen him on the Groovy Smoothie before.
He’s in debt with the iCarly crew.
And the story repeats itself…
Again I’d like to apologize for the lateness of this review. My personal life has been interfering with my review schedule (yeah, I have one of those) and then iOMG was announced.
Thank you for reading my reviews.
Your pal RobSp1derp1g’s here again!!
Since Season 4 (Season 3 in Production) is over, I thought of summing it up.
Hey ya, guys! I know you’re still waiting for my iHire an Idiot review, but that’s not what brings me here today.
I don’t know if you remember Jimmy’s story. He’s a young man with Chrom’s Disease who wanted to meet Jennette.
Well, in an unexpected turn of events that can only be described as a miracle, he’s meeting her.
Here’s a DM that she sent him:
The point being, If you believe something will happen with the whole of your being, that thing will happen.
My name is Rob. I’m 21 years old. For at least 7 of those 21 years I was bullied to desperation. My self-esteem vanished before those 7 years were gone. If anyone saw me, they wouldn’t be able to see me, they’d only see a guy on a routine, with a blank expression on his face…
While at first this post may sound like a suicide note, I can assure you this is not one.
I’ve never been that much of a religious man, but I do believe there is something above. While I call this entity God, others may not, so I prefer to play it safe and not argue about it.
For 4 years now, I’ve been into lots of stuff. Be it Pokémon, iCarly, Prison Break, Flashforward, you name it. For a while now, I’ve been online a lot, and when I say it’s a lot, it’s A LOT.
It is said “ask and you shall receive.” Well, that is true. I asked, and I received. A way out.
June 20th 2006. The day my life changed.
I was living a routine, like every other Sunday, when it was shown to me on the news. “The Secret.”
I wasn’t expecting much of it, but curiosity forced me to find out more about this Secret.
I researched and within 30 minutes, I had a copy of the book. (Won’t say how, you won’t like it.) It blew my mind apart.
Every single thing on my life made sense for the first time in a long while.
Then, I got the movie. Watched it. If my mind had been blown away before, this movie was like an atomic bomb to the pieces. It lifts you up. Really.
You see, The Secret tells you that what you imagine, given the proper emotion, will be obtained in real life. But you have to feel good NOW.
Let me back this up with quotes from famous authors.
“See the things that you want as already yours. Know that they will come to you at need. Then let them come. Don’t fret and worry about them. Don’t think about your lack of them. Think of them as yours, as belonging to you, as already in your possession.” Robert Collier (1885-1950)
In 1912, Charles Haanel described the law of attraction, The Secret, as “the greatest and the most infallible law upon which the entire system of creation depends.”
“The predominant thought or the mental attitude is the magnet, and the law is that like attracts like, consequently, the mental attitude will invariably attract such conditions as correspond to its nature.” Charles Haanel (1866–1949)
“The vibrations of mental forces are the finest and consequently the most powerful in existence.”Charles Haanel (1866–1949)
I made this post specifically for one thing. To prove to one person that his dreams are not impossible.
Previously, I said I’m online a lot. And I joined a lot of other fans of a TV show on Twitter. These fans are human beings, with hopes and dreams of their own. But there is one who sticks out, not for the best reasons.
This guy, who I’ll call Jimmy L., is one of the most hardcore fans of Star Wars I’ve ever seen. He says he’s in love with a actress, named Jennette McCurdy from a TV show we’re fans of. He constantly reminds us (me and other fans) that he wants to meet the actress/singer and announce his love to her.
He is 21, like me, but looks a lot younger, due to Crohn’s Disease. Had 2 near-death experiences, and his self-esteem is lower than the vaults of Fort Knox. I’m exaggerating, but it’s true.
Since March 2010 (when I joined Twitter), this guy has had a negative mindset about meeting Jennette. Every time she has an event on NYC, something happens, because in his mind he’s not ready to meet her.
Last December, he was radiant, he was on top of the world, because he had the possibility to go on a cruise Jennette was going on. As soon as he thought “What if I can’t go?”, the figurative-pedestal he was standing on collapsed. He was bummed beyond bumming standards.
Recently, he heard of another event in NYC. Guess what happened.
All this time, I’ve said one thing to him: “I’m gonna meet her. I’m gonna meet her.” He’s reaction was only, “How can you be so sure?” I believe it tore him apart inside. But there’s one thing. If there has been anyone beside you, Jimmy, it’s me. And I say to you, “how can you not? If you’re not sure of something, that will not happen!” Every time someone says to him, “be positive, don’t be like that,” his reply is, “how will be positive help me meet Jennette?” And another person says “Good things will happen if you’re positive.” Reply: “Will any of those good things help me meet Nettie?” His mindset is set on negativity by default, but he doesn’t do anything to change…
So here’s the bottom line. I’m not forcing you to believe me. I’m telling you to take a leap of faith, believe in yourself and try to be positive, Jimmy. Things will go a lot better when you’re positive.
Guys, I’m not asking for charity here. I’m just letting the world know of this guy because I’ve tried my best, and still accomplished nothing. Please, PLEASE, help me help him.
If this was something funny, I’d end with a joke, like I usually do, but it isn’t…
Please, if you want to contact me regarding this, please go here and e-mail me. Please make sure the subject line is “Don’t worry, be happy!” so I know what’s it about.
Thank you for your time.